Your Choice for Sobriety

My treatment depends on the type of mental illness I have, how bad I am suffering and what will work for me to control my illness.  This is the case for any one suffering from a mental illness.  If you have a mild mental illness the treatment you get from one health provider may be good enough, however often times a team might make sure of all your psychiatric, medical and social needs are seen to if you are incapable of handling your own affairs.  This is important especially with severe illnesses such as schizophrenia and at this present time psychiatric medications do not cure mental illness; yet they can improve the conditions you are suffering from.  The medications can also make treatments such as psychotherapy more effective, depending on your situation and how your body responds to the medications.  Some of the most commonly used prescription psychiatric medications are antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti anxiety, and antipsychotic medications.

Psychotherapy is used to treat mental illness by talking about your illness and anything related to such.  While participating in psychotherapy you learn about your illness, your moods, feelings, thoughts and your behaviors; you also learn coping and stress management skills.  There are other treatments besides medications and Psychotherapy.  I went through a Substance Abuse treatment program, of which I found out I was not alone in my use of illicit substances and alcohol.  Substance Abuse is common and occurs with mental illness.  It can interfere with treatment and also worsen the mental illness.  If you can’t stop using drugs or drinking you need to see a therapist about psychotherapy and medications as well as a Twelve Step program such as A/A or N/A.

Even as I have stopped using drugs and drinking, I still am a part of an outpatient program from which I get support from my therapist and friends alike while continuing to use a mood stabilizer which helps me with my manic phases.  This keeps me from reaching out into other directions which would only be destructive to my character and well being.  If you work with your health provider you can both decide what is best for you depending upon your illness and how severe it maybe.  In the case of taking medications you would want to be aware of the side effects and other preferences you may have concerning medications and or treatments and remember your decision to get better, rest with you, your family members and doctor to help you make the right choices for a better life. 

Written by Donald S.

Belief in God Tied to Greater Psychiatric Treatment Response

Well this article just fell into my lap this morning.  Last night I finished watching the last of the Bible series.  I had recorded it to watch at my leisure.  I was thinking how I would write that I believe in God although I do not believe in religion.  I could call myself Catholic if I want to drink.  Religion just makes it harder to believe because of all their rules.  I open up the news looking for something to write about and here is an article.

It says: “Belief in God, but not religious affiliation, is associated with a greater likelihood of treatment response among psychiatric outpatients, according to a study published in the April 25 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders.”  They used to call me lucky because I would get out of so many cases against me.  I have seen miracles and as I have said I read positive books by Norman Vincent Peale.  I still can quote scriptures from those books my heart they helped me so much.  I was a very negative person.  If a miracle happen to me once and I would try the same thing again.
As for recovery I would not have recovered if it had not been for my belief in God.  How do you get by all those lonely times, your family not around and also I did not have my daughter while I was at the State Hospital.  She did not come around until three years after I was released.  “The researchers found that among treatment responders, belief in God was significantly higher compared with non-responders.  Greater reduction in depression and self-harm and greater improvements in psychological well-being also correlated significantly with higher levels of belief.  The correlation between belief and changes in depression and self-harm persisted even after controlling for age and gender.  The relationship between belief in God and depression was mediated by perceived treatment credibility/expectancy, but not by emotional regulation or community support.  Religious affiliation was linked to treatment credibility/expectancy, but did not impact treatment outcomes.”  Where do you think my hope comes from?  It is my belief that God will work things out sometimes a lot slower than I liked.
Although things always work out for the best, as always in A.A you are asked to believe in a higher power.  To succeed you always have to believe in something.  I was brought up religious and it has always just been there for me.  As I have said I have seen miracles where my own lawyer did not know how I was not charged. You would have to be there to understand.  Without those magazines from Norman Vincent Peale about people who went through tough times and came out alright, I cannot say that my time at the State Hospital would have went a lot harder and longer.
I do not force anyone to believe I am just telling my story of recovery and what I believe that keeps me going.  I am not doing so badly.  I believe that if you think positive and work towards what you want you will achieve it. No matter what mental illness you have there is always hope that they can find a medication that will help you to achieve what you want out of life there is always hope. One reason I have never talked about it is I have seen many people with mental illness that believe that they are or have been talked to God.  I separate the two in my life.

A Different Road to Recovery

This is a follow up to Donald’s blog  earlier in the week.  I also live in an apartment building, no longer one for the low income and I still visit a couple of friends at my old building.  They do not have a mental illness.  I have never really hung out with friends that had a mental illness.  I once dated a girl when I was first let out of the state hospital that went to AA.  That was a bad idea especially when she went back on the cocaine my first choice in a drug when I was using drugs.  It also costed me thousands of dollars and put me in debt, never again. 
I had one friend from the state hospital although he was never on medication so I never believed he had a mental illness.  We hung out a few times that was it and we drifted apart.  I had one more friend from the group home I was at when I was released from the state hospital.  He started drinking again and I said goodbye.  I told some acquaintances where I worked about it.  They could not understand how I could be friends with them and they drank.  It was different they did not have a mental illness and struggle with alcohol.
They did not know that I was mentally ill or an alcoholic at that job.  They are still my friends till this day.    No one knows that I have a mental illness unless I tell them.  The only ones that know are my medical professionals including my eye doctor and dentist.  No one else needs to know unless I want to make a point that we can succeed at anything.  I did my college and my recovery all by myself and my case manager at the time.
I socialized with my AA and friends from my job at the time. I quit smoking as I mention in an earlier blog  and just keep trying to improve myself.  When I was almost done with college and getting my Master’s I found out about 2succeed and finally was introduced to other people with a mental illness.  They were looking for work like I was.  I have my grandkids and I do not know if they even understand that I have a mental illness. It is not something we do not discuss.  To me Geodon is a wonder drug.  I can do so much with it.  I know when I did not take it.  I know to take it and when.
Every ones recovery is different the one thing that is helped me all my life and not just with a mental illness is hope.  I have hope that tomorrow will be better than today.  That is why it is so hard for me to understand depression.  I know it happens although I have never been depressed because of hope.  I understand that life can be hard and you just have to keep pushing forward and not give up.  I was once going to write a book about my life. I lived a crazy life and then I did become crazy.  I do not mind that word as I think everyone is a little crazy and does crazy stuff in their life.

Life in Recovery

It is hard to tell someone not doing well that things will get better.  When you do not have a job or a way to pay bills and you tell them hang in it will get better.  I’ve been on the down side of life before.  I know it is hard.  I was once facing twenty four years in prison.  I did not take a deal.  I was in trial and just before lunch the prosecutor said he was going to put a witness on the stand in a case that I had already did time for.  I went to a fast food restaurant for lunch but my mind was not on anything but my trial.  There was a server that told me hi and don’t I remember her.  I could not my mind was not there.  
When I was back in the car, I remembered who she was I knew her for years how did I not remember her in the restaurant.  I know now what worry can do to the mind.  Well I went back to court and we went in the judge’s chambers and my lawyers had worked during lunch.  The judge was not going to allow that witness to testify because we would have to retry the other case as well as this one.  Although she said she was not going to allow me to use the provocation law.  Of course I was acquitted on one count and found guilty on the other where she would not give me the law.
Maybe I smiled to fast when they said guilty, because I knew that on appeal I would win.  The judge would not give me an appeal bond and I did two years before I won my appeal.  That is where and when I had my first bout of mental illness I prison.  I have been down before.  It is not forever.  I knew in prison I would have to do some time although I also knew that once my case was heard I would be out.  I have always had hope.  That is a key to recovery that things will get better.
Another thing in recovery is time.  I know that this one is hard even for me.  People say I need a fast fix I do not have ten years to read positive books and wait for change.  What are you doing in those ten years?  Would it not be better to do something than nothing?  I know when I was in the state hospital; I did not want to hear it takes five years.  There are groups there and there is A.A. and you have to build a foundation that will not blow away like straw. I can say my medication works very well.  I read for some it does not and I feel for them people when I have it so easy.
I did the work in A.A. and I do not miss drinking or want it.  I can go into a bar and not want to drink I have done this and I did not want it.  I went once to a bar and it was my first time back in a bar and my last.  I had to do it to prove to myself that I would not drink again and that it would be my last time ever going to jail or anything because of alcohol.  I would not recommend this I just had to find out. In April I will have twenty three years of sobriety.  I would not for the life of me exchange it for a drink.
I know life can be hard although you have to look at what you have to be happy for.  My grandkid succeeding where I did not even though I was smart I took the wrong road.  I could have had a lot more material things by now if I would have went to high school or college.  Although I do not know if that would have prepared me for my breakdown or my eventual recovery that is where I can help my grandkids succeed in life through experiences when life gets tough.  Another key to recovery is you do not have to take everything a person says to recover.  If you take one thing from a lot of different people and can form your own recovery.  Everyone is different and not everything works for everyone.

Almost Alcoholic

This is fourth in a series of blogs about the title of a book.  In last week’s blog we talked about signs two and three.  Today we will finish with signs four and five the last of the signs.  The fourth sign: “You Sometimes Drink in Order to Control Emotional and/or Physical Symptoms.  Clearly, Betsy drank in order to compensate for loneliness. Indeed, almost alcoholics often drink for many reasons that have to do with emotional discomfort such as

·         to relieve stress or “unwind”

·         to drown out grief or anxiety

·         to overcome social shyness

·         to try to overcome insomnia

·         to relieve boredom

·         to control pain or other physical discomfort” (pg. 34)

I tried to drink to overcome shyness, although it did not always turn out right.  I either blacked out or did not remember who I even talked to.  Alcohol it never helped me at all.

The last sign: “You and Your Loved Ones are Suffering as a Result of Your Drinking.  The suffering caused by almost alcoholics drinking is often more subtle than that of a full-blown alcoholism, but it nonetheless exists.  Because the process by which a person becomes an almost alcoholic is so insidious, the suffering is also insidious.  It can be years before the connection between drinking and the suffering is made—if it is ever made.  In every case we’ve discussed so far, however, it is easy to see when viewed in terms of being almost alcoholics—this connection.  And it is not just almost alcoholics who suffer, but their loved ones as well. (pg. 34)  We used to say in jail it was the families who suffered more than us.  The same is true with being almost alcoholic or being an alcoholic.  It is one reason in AA you try to make amends if possible.

The book goes on to say: “These questions are related to the formal diagnostic criteria for alcoholism; they are on the same spectrum—only a bit further away in terms of severity from true alcoholism.  Those who answer yes to these questions may not have yet suffered the more serious consequences of drinking; or if they have, they are not aware of the connection between their drinking and negative consequences.  On the other hand, they have definitely moved beyond normal social drinking. (pg.34)  I did not go out to social drink I had the intention of getting drunk.  I would suffer if I only had one drink.  If I started a night of drinking I would continue to I passed out or there was nothing left to drink.

An Experience: Dual Diagnosis

I spent my first five days in a detox ward outside of Denver, to this day I don’t remember where; I only know it was unbearably hot, the ground was grassless and dry and the building was small. There were a small number of other men inside the building, all like me, unshaven, unclean and moaning as they spoke, besides the few male and female nurses and social services workers. I felt trapped! Not only did I feel incarcerated, I felt there was no one to relate too; I was alone with nowhere to go when I was released and no way to provide for myself when I needed, which included food and transportation; I was stuck in the city I grew up in when I found my way back.
Those five days were a twisting roller coaster in the mind. With N/A groups and A/A groups and papers to be filled out I was just non coherent to even the light that glared above the doors at night. I couldn’t sleep during the day; God knows I felt I needed it, yet we spent hours going over the twelve steps, to know that”alcohol and drugs are cunning and baffling”. “We had to admit we were powerless over our addictions, and to seek through prayer and meditation our higher power” and pray for knowledge. On the fifth day I was told I was going to a psychiatric unit in a hospital and that they felt I should be in observation for possible acute schizophrenia. If I had any principles, I was now discouraged, yet a part of my fears were alleviated, I knew then I would also have to believe in a higher power because I now had somewhere to be, yet this didn’t subdue my anger or curb my negative thinking about being incarcerated. As for as the other men in Detox, few smiled, some were carried away in hand cuffs, others taken to an emergency ward. Did I seek camaraderie in all this? I did realize I was not alone.
Some people have greatness thrust upon them,
Very few have excellence thrust upon them. –Abraham Lincoln—

Excerpts from Alcoholics Anonymous in Quotation mark

Written By Donald Sammons