Hope

It is what I need at this moment in time.  Here at work and cannot work because my access is not working right.  I want to work because next week I am going to be gone all week.  I want to finish my work so I do not have to think about it next week all though lately something always goes wrong.  That is the same with life just when you think you are turning the corner and everything will work out and then life throws you a curve ball.  How am I going to handle this, then you think of all the times the lord has helped you before and you say no matter how hard this is I will get through this also.

I will get through this life and things eventually will change for the best.  So I will keep plugging along and wait for the good times again.  The hardest thing to overcome is this mental illness.  It really through me for a loop when I found out that I had schizophrenia and to top it off I was in the state hospital and did not know how long I would be there.  You really look at your life and say I have to change or this is how my life will be always locked up.  It does not matter if it is the state hospital or jail or prison it is taking away a person’s freedom.
I made a change that I am glad I made.  I have not been locked back up since 1994 and I would not even know how many years if I did not think back and count the years.  I have been able to see all my grandchildren born and be part of their lives.  I have never been stopped by the police in all these years and that is by someone who they would stop and stop my friends because we had the same hairdo. I have to have hope because there is nothing else but to give up and I will never do that.
I think the hardest thing that ever happen to me was when I faced twenty four years in prison.  I had to fight that charge I could not have faced all those years and as you all know I had my breakdown in prison.  If I would have not had my appeal it would have been disastrous.  It would have been the hardest time I ever did.  As it turned out being at the state hospital was the hardest time I ever did.  You wore street clothes and they had a restaurant there that is what made it so hard.  I always thought of the streets and how I just wanted a chance to make it. Nothing I ever face again in life will be that tough it just seems that way sometimes.
I always know I will be free again and no problems seem that big just frustrating.  I just have to remember this to will pass.  My oldest granddaughter is sixteen already where have the years gone.  I was in school for a lot of those years even though it did not seem that way they did go fast.  That is how long since I smoked also.  I quit when she was born.  I do not miss it and I was a heavy smoker. I see others light up and I do not miss it. Just have to keep up hope and I will get through today also.

Thinking Positive

This is a follow up to Donald’s blog  Optimism we all need it.  I like to think I have it after reading positive books for quite a few years.  I bought and own at least thirty six positive books.  I know that things will always get better.  To me it is when will they  get better. I have a lot of things although one is not patience.  Or maybe I do because I remember telling a friend that was having problems that if she read positive books in years she would work out her problems.  She said “I do not have ten years” I thought well what else you would be doing in those ten years.
It is better to start and try and change things than to not and just hope things get better.  I know that work on themselves is not what a lot of people want to do and it is the same with me.  I remember the state hospital and all the work and time why could they just not let me go.  If they had I might have been one of those revolving people in and out never getting the message what real freedom is.  There are some things we can change and if it takes time is it not better to do something than nothing?  I do not get to feeling as down in the dumps these past years not as bad as I used to before I read positive books.
I really was a negative thinker and nothing could go right.  I wrote to the positive book magazine when I was in the state hospital and started getting the magazine and I shared them when I was done.  They had stories of people succeeding and that is what a person needs when you are locked up.   They helped the time go by and know that things would be better.  When I was released I started buying Norman Vincent Peale’s books.  When I start collecting I really collect.  I even mediated back then.  If you would have knew me I was always thinking that nothing could go right.  I was just a negative thinker.  The books really helped.
I did not become a millionaire and get everything I wanted.  Although if it worked that fast I would be bored.  I get by and know that I keep working on myself I will get better and things will always get better.  Like they say just take it a day at a time.  Know that things always do change for the better sooner or later.  Just think positive and keep pushing forward.  Right now I have everything I need.  My health is the most important thing with that I can get anything else I need.

Controlling the Negative

How do you let go of negative emotions? Letting go of what bothers you is not the same as letting go of your emotions, when you become overly negatively emotional, you are only ‘stuffing’ or letting your emotions sit on the burner when you lend yourself to such arguments of the mind, harboring those emotions without any settlement; without any sentiment. Emotions are real; they represent experiences and responses that are painful. In letting go of our negative emotions, we learn ways in which we practice and observe these emotions we want to get far away from, emotions we must learn to observe, so that we can see clearly what we have to change in ourselves. Describing in words what the emotion is like is one perspective, also understanding the negative emotion(s) which beset you, the imagery of the result of what the emotion is causing in you. These are practices in Dialectical Behavior therapy, learning to look at the ideas, principles, and responses, which differ in points of view, which we learn to balance and measure and make positive. Some examples used in controlling emotions are:
 a. Changing--Not Changing……….Observe your emotion
 b. Good--Bad…………………………….Experience the emotion
c. Wisdom--Emotional Mind………Remember you are not your emotion
d. Talking--Quietude.…………………Don’t act on your emotion
 e. Acceptance--Approval……………Don’t push away the emotion
Accepting painful emotions can reduce the pain and in noticing the differences between pain and suffering you’ll know that suffering is the pain you wish to push away and that the feelings which cause injustice are what you want to be rid of. We must observe our emotions, know they are real and stand away from them when they become negative. Often times we must also experience the emotion(s) and concentrate on it and realize through imagery what that emotion is and how to become positive in another way with our emotions through our ideas of understanding. We must know we are not the reality of such a negative emotion, that it is only a part of us; not the all of us, for we are greater than the negative. We should not act on the emotion, instead relax with it and know that if you act on a negative emotion, that it could escalate, growing beyond control and last longer than you wish. Keep in mind you are the braver person for accepting the ideas you need in working to change your emotions. You deserve success and happiness by maintaining control of your life. Written by Donald S.

A World of Responsibility

Our world and the universe itself changes from second to second. This is change is material and spiritual and is a part of the physical and emotional change we live, day to day. We have to be willing to change if we care to live, our ideas, our friendships; nothing is greater than the alternation of our lives. With this change is courage and honesty, to know the reality of ourselves, our needs, and of this is responsibility; owning up to our decisions.

Responsibility is such, causing us to take the obligation to what we are entrusted to; whether it is work or play, we are entrusted to understand through to completion what we are capable of doing, or what we want done.

I find myself always, when in a bind with a project whether at work or at home with an excuse that I cannot complete the project or have forgotten what I need to know, to make things work, in short I am always apologizing because I was not responsible. I think of running at this stage, yet some one always says this is ok, it only means I need space to carry out my mission.

A phrase written by Tom Rath in Strength Finders says, “Apologies are not enough. Excuses and Rationalizations are totally unacceptable. Your will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution.” Does the world or the universe turn its back and go another way, I don’t think so.

Think of responsibility while you are in Recovery, you must make the choices to become an earnest person again. Think of your life as needing a change, a need to grow beyond the square box you have been living in without shelves. Know you want to understand where you are, to whom you will give and how you will grow especially with others and with determination.

Written by Donald Sammons

Change

I was reading a recovery story yesterday about a guy who could not even go to the store and buy himself some green tea. Doing something different was not on his agenda. His therapist was going over to his house to work with him. The therapist started doing an exercise with the client, and he did not like the exercises, and would not do them. The therapist comes back the next week and the guy offers him some green tea. The client said something happened when we were doing those exercises. Something happened to me its like in the movies when the doctor, say something and changes happen. That is the way I felt, now I can go to the store and buy green tea. That reminded me how hard change was for me. If I had to catch a new bus, and go to an appointment somewhere different in town it was hard. I would think will I make my appointment on time, will I get lost. Change was just hard for me. I had a therapist here at MHCD that helped me through all of it. Although at the time I was not happy going to see a therapist. Now as I look back it was not all that bad. He helped me through a lot of problems. Now I look forward to change. It would be boring if things were always the same. Also you have to believe that you are going to recover. I think believing is the first step in changing any kind of situation. When you believe things do change.