Recovery

Well this week we will start a new year.  This last was not too bad for me a lot of changes happened some for the good some for the bad.  Although, I have hope for the next year because I am making changes to have a better New Year and life not that this life is all that bad.  It is not a new year’s resolution as I have already made these changes in this year just going to continue them.  Problems can be solved there is always a way to make the adjustments needed to continue living an alright life.  I know personally problems come up and it seems like it is the end of everything.  What also pops up is a solution it is not always the right one although it works to solve the problem.

Hope is the key word I will not keep on saying that my life was always bad.  Although getting out of the state hospital and not having my daughter right away in my life was the greatest loss ever.  I lived through it and when I did get her back in my life I forgot the years that she was away.  It was different getting to know her and adjusting to the new changes in my life.  It is worth it now I have three grandchildren and that helps in life very much.  What I am saying is that hope does work and it seems hard plugging through but life does soon get better.  Whenever I get a chance I wonder what brought on this mental illness.  Since I was fifteen I drank more that the average person.
I though getting high was all that life was about.  Mental illness and cocaine are so similar. I do believe that drug caused my mental illness and it also messed up my life my making me lose my money and everything I owned.  I was asked when I was at the state hospital I was asked what the mental illness is like, “I said racing thoughts just like cocaine.”  Paranoia was also there but unlike cocaine you did not come down it stayed with you. I had quit cocaine before my mental illness but it was back and I thought it was cocaine in the food at the state hospital that was one of my delusions.  I am glad all that is over.  People do not understand what drugs like cocaine and heroin do to a person.
I have known people that had a pretty good life before they started messing with those drugs and all they became is junkies not a good life for no one. I am glad that I do not get drunk anymore and glad that life is better and wonder why it did not turn out better when I got high than it was always why is this happening.  Life is still full of ups and downs but I do not tear off my medals and wish for a better life of getting high.  I enjoy my grandkids and it is better than all that anger I had before.  So the changes I have to make to lose weight do not seem all that bad as things could have been worse for me.  I could have ended up in prison for life.  Also I bet my good friend is still in the state hospital or dead as he was already older than me when I knew him.  He did not want to give up his weed to change and get out of there.  Well just hope the new year turns out great for everybody.