Living with Recovery in Mind

I sat around the apartment for two days, pacing the floors, washing dishes, drinking sodas and sleeping. Why? I couldn’t find a topic for this week’s blog. I am not a doctor, or a policy maker of any sorts and I am not a party player. So what I suddenly see in my life is independence, becoming free of my responsibility, my obligation, my respect. These are symptoms of my manic phase and I am ready to quit and run for some other distant place. My mind had grown tired of the routine I was living and I didn’t want to do anything but prove to the crowds I had run with that I can be my “old self”, in other words I was losing touch with the space I had created which gave me freedom and peace.
I rested for a while thinking, “why would I want to destroy my well being”, after coming this far without relapsing, or backsliding on my responsibilities, what is so important that I would want to live as I had in the past, without understanding, without security. I began to understand many people run into the “wall” of despair, which causes disorientation, even failure, which are ready to surrender because they don’t have the stamina or motivation to continue on, in their endeavors. There are people in very well paying jobs, who have given up because the pressure was just too much, husbands, wives even children have become attached to that “wall”. I understood that because I have an obligation that demands my understanding and the knowledge of others, I was ready to “thumb the road”
This is not the wind of Recovery, which is facing your illness and downfalls and placing yourself in the hands of others who can guide you with reassurance, out of such turmoil. What I saw was a part of me judging myself through the words of others, and their ideas when I was at my weakest. Pulling myself through, was a matter of a pencil and the strength to face my problem, with reason, without going beyond the veil of ignorance, denying myself as I had done in the past and jeopardizing my mental health, well being and belief in others who have held their hand out to me.
Written by Donald Sammons

Realization

To realize you have a mental illness is to realize you are making a change. Going beyond the dust storm in the mind and the slow shuffling gait of indecision takes acceptance and willingness to face such turmoil.
Once your mind is open to see there is a differnce between yourself and your own thoughts, you will want to make a change. The messages are no longer mixed and anyone can believe in living again. Long walks, exercise and new ideas to make real can help a person smile, instead of seeking a shroud to cover the darkness.
Being a part of Mental Health, I believe the medication I am receiving also helped me to gain not only mental release from my fears, but yet an inner strength to accept the wisdom from others who cared to help me believe in myself.
I exercised my instability by accepting the truth in what I wanted to be and what I wanted to believe, I have won nothing but faith and esteem, this is day to day.
By, Donald Sammons
Evaluation and Research