I slowly gave up on everything I wanted to do and because of a promise I made with a family member, I began to reach into the basket of cornucopias delight and began to feel better about myself. The pins and needles of negativity and doubt began withdrawing themselves and I could see a bit more clearly. I do have my fears as I am becoming a part of a greater blessed part of life, working, keeping an apartment, being responsible to myself as well as others and I often feel I am normal, working towards Recovery, a part of the real outer world, not one that is hallucinated.
It
has taken me sometime to completely understand what has happened to me and what
I have done to myself, being dual diagnosed as well, yet I don’t blame the
world for putting the cup in my hands.
Reading and listening to those I can trust and care about has brought me
back to the realm of sanity, besides taking the medications I have, without
having to resort to self medicating by using illicit street drugs and alcohol. I had to learn to be patient and trusting and
realize tomorrow is another day, not just a dream I can re-manipulate, which
gets me closer to understanding that I have a contribution to make with the
faith of others, an opportunity to become normal.
Written
by Donald S.
I appreciate where you've been and how far you've come because I've been there, too, and have also learned a lot from my experience. I can see where I've failed myself in life without needing to hurt myself. I can finally take responsibility and love myself too, often through appreciating and loving others. I don't think that the goal is to be "normal" because that's a questionable word. I think the practice is to be honest and kind and to do your part to share and help others. You're doing that. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I can relate some because I have a similar illness. It is inspiring to see your optimism.
ReplyDeleteI too would like to add that there is no such thing as a "normal" person. For myself, I don't strive to be like someone who doesn't have a mental illness, I strive to be my best self. I'll never be symptom-free -- but that's perfectly okay, as long as I manage my symptoms, help others, and fight stigma. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.