Wednesday, May 21, 2014

How does a Mental Illness Start part 2?

This is the last part to last week’s blog. I was released from the county jail and I was finally free.  I decided not to drink since that is what caused all my arrests.   That only lasted a month since I did it without A.A. or any type of program.  I went to court and told them I would plead guilty if they let me go without parole or probation and they agreed and I was free.  I was going to leave town although an opportunity came along where I could learn computers in an accelerated class. I thought I could do this and things would look up.
I was going to all my classes and trying to learn although when I look back at it.  The classes were going too fast and I was not really at the typing speed I wanted to be at.  We were going to have a party at school to celebrate we were done.  I never made it I tried but the beginnings of my mental illness were starting to show I was supposed to take the drinks for our party.  I went on the bus but never made it there.  I started laying around the house and doing nothing just trying to figure what was going wrong with me.  Finally one night I went and bought alcohol and was drunk and committed a crime they arrested me.  I was back at the county jail although I was a shell of who I was before.
I was in a fight at the county jail I had never been in one all the times I had been locked up until now.  Instead of the hole they sent me to the infirmary and I stayed there quite a long time even spent my birthday in the infirmary. I finally was released from the infirmary and was put on the PC tier of the jail.  I was too insane to complain. Finally I was sentenced and they gave me one day to life in the State hospital.  I went there and really did not know where I was at.  I was given Haldol although it made my face cramp and they took me off it.  They did not put me on any medication until I went across the street to another ward.  Then they put me on stelazine.  I started to come out of it and start to realize where I was and what at that time it meant to me.
I did not understand the one day to life I finally talked to some of the guys and found I would not be there one day to life if I followed the rules. I finally was moved to another ward and then I asked to be taken off the medication I did not understand it was helping me.  They thought at the time my mental illness was drug induced.  A month later I was mentally ill again and they saw it was for real.  That is when I fought for a medication that would not make my arms and hands shake.  That is why I had wanted off of the medication in the first place.  The doctor finally found a medication formula for me.  It was moban and old drug and kemidrin to counter the side effects.  When I was lucid this time it is when I started looking at my life and knew I was now given a chance to change my life.
A worker asked me what I wanted to do with my life now.  I said I wanted to work in computers so she said she could help and introduced me to Tony that worked for Vocational Rehabilitation and he let me work and learn on his computer.  I was also going to school and getting things together for my release so I could go to college.  That meant getting my GED transcripts learning typing from scratch since I did not do so well in the school on the streets. I went to the circle program to stay away from drugs and alcohol. I did all the things necessary for me to be released and I was on a five year conditional release.  That meant I had UAs and A.A and then I started college.  I had one relapse when they lowered my medication so I went to school half time that is what took me so long to graduate.  I did not like the state hospital although if I would not have gone there was no way for me to stop drugging and drinking.  I would be in prison because they do not have programs there at the time that would have helped as much as the state hospital did.  There are ups and down in life although for the most part I am happy.

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