How does a Mental Illness Start part 2?

This is the last part to last week’s blog. I was released from the county jail and I was finally free.  I decided not to drink since that is what caused all my arrests.   That only lasted a month since I did it without A.A. or any type of program.  I went to court and told them I would plead guilty if they let me go without parole or probation and they agreed and I was free.  I was going to leave town although an opportunity came along where I could learn computers in an accelerated class. I thought I could do this and things would look up.

I was going to all my classes and trying to learn although when I look back at it.  The classes were going too fast and I was not really at the typing speed I wanted to be at.  We were going to have a party at school to celebrate we were done.  I never made it I tried but the beginnings of my mental illness were starting to show I was supposed to take the drinks for our party.  I went on the bus but never made it there.  I started laying around the house and doing nothing just trying to figure what was going wrong with me.  Finally one night I went and bought alcohol and was drunk and committed a crime they arrested me.  I was back at the county jail although I was a shell of who I was before.
I was in a fight at the county jail I had never been in one all the times I had been locked up until now.  Instead of the hole they sent me to the infirmary and I stayed there quite a long time even spent my birthday in the infirmary. I finally was released from the infirmary and was put on the PC tier of the jail.  I was too insane to complain. Finally I was sentenced and they gave me one day to life in the State hospital.  I went there and really did not know where I was at.  I was given Haldol although it made my face cramp and they took me off it.  They did not put me on any medication until I went across the street to another ward.  Then they put me on stelazine.  I started to come out of it and start to realize where I was and what at that time it meant to me.
I did not understand the one day to life I finally talked to some of the guys and found I would not be there one day to life if I followed the rules. I finally was moved to another ward and then I asked to be taken off the medication I did not understand it was helping me.  They thought at the time my mental illness was drug induced.  A month later I was mentally ill again and they saw it was for real.  That is when I fought for a medication that would not make my arms and hands shake.  That is why I had wanted off of the medication in the first place.  The doctor finally found a medication formula for me.  It was moban and old drug and kemidrin to counter the side effects.  When I was lucid this time it is when I started looking at my life and knew I was now given a chance to change my life.
A worker asked me what I wanted to do with my life now.  I said I wanted to work in computers so she said she could help and introduced me to Tony that worked for Vocational Rehabilitation and he let me work and learn on his computer.  I was also going to school and getting things together for my release so I could go to college.  That meant getting my GED transcripts learning typing from scratch since I did not do so well in the school on the streets. I went to the circle program to stay away from drugs and alcohol. I did all the things necessary for me to be released and I was on a five year conditional release.  That meant I had UAs and A.A and then I started college.  I had one relapse when they lowered my medication so I went to school half time that is what took me so long to graduate.  I did not like the state hospital although if I would not have gone there was no way for me to stop drugging and drinking.  I would be in prison because they do not have programs there at the time that would have helped as much as the state hospital did.  There are ups and down in life although for the most part I am happy.

Life after Schizophrenia

BEFORE I GET INTO The BLOG, I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND OUR READERS THAT The RECOVERY BLOG IS MOVING TO A NEW LOCACTION: OUR BLOG WILL CONTINUE FROM OUR NEW HOME:  http://www.mhcd.org/blog   In last week’s blog I talked about how I was first mentally ill in prison. I started behind the walls a part of Canon City prison waiting for my appeal and not at all sure what had happened to me. The sleeping pills did help, although I was not the same and went back to the hospital one more time for a few days. My new counselor there told me she was not going to recommend parole for me, because I was a danger to myself and society. She did not explain that I had a mental illness. No one explained that to me. I knew my only chance of getting out was my appeal. I was happy when it came through.
I was released and made a deal if they left me alone without parole or probation I would plead guilty and forget it ever happened. I was going to leave and head back to Portland, Oregon where I had family. Although a class came up that was accelerated computer class and I would learn typing and computers. I had to try, but all the stress of trying to do everything so fast, brought on my mental illness and I was sent to the State hospital for one day to life. I know that sounds crazy, think how I felt when I was sane again and found this out. I did not understand it could be one day also. I was mentally ill all the time throughout my stay in jail.
While I was at the state hospital they brought me around and that is where I found out I was allergic to Haldol. I knew that I had a chance here to change my life around and finally stay out of prison. Also stay out of the state hospital. I watched people here in the state hospital and some were there for more than ten years. To me they had forgot the streets and what a good life a person can have being free. I did not like being locked up in jail or in the state hospital. I started going to school at the state hospital and learning computers. Also my typing because I knew from going to that accelerated class out on the streets that I would have to start from zero and work my way up to be successful.
While I was at the state hospital I sent away for my GED and all the papers I would need to start college. While I was on pass I enrolled at Metropolitan State College of Denver as it was called back then. To change my life I knew that would be the only way was to start all over. I just never knew it would take me so long to get my degree and when I received it, I did not know at that time I would go on to get my Masters. That was not in my plans. I am glad I did though. I learned a lot more in graduate school then I did at Metro. All I can say is life is not easy and there will always be down times, although if you keep pushing forward it changes for the good. I have to say though that the hardest time I had being locked up was at the state hospital. It was like being half on the streets and half being free. It just made me miss the streets even more. I would have rather been locked up all the way. Although I do not think I would have went to college if I was locked up in prison this last time.
Prison offers some classes, although I would come to find out the diploma they give is really not worth anything. You could not get a job with it. After you put in all that time studying and trying to pass so you can change your life and it is worth nothing.JUST A REMINDER THAT THE RECOVERY BLOG IS MOVING TO A NEW ADDRESS: OUR NEW HOME IS: http://mhcd.org/blog