Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Mental Illness

I am pretty lucky as I read what others with schizophrenia go through.  My symptoms do not bother me.  I would know because they used to bother me when I drank coffee on Moban.  I had to stop drinking coffee and I really loved it.  Now that I am on Geodon I can drink coffee although I do not drink it like I used to.  Now I drink two cups and that is enough for me.  If I could of did that on the Moban I would have not had to quit.  Although back then I could not stop at two cups.  That is not the only difference.
You cannot tell that I have a mental illness because I work eight hours a day.  It does not bother me in the slightest way.  I do not have symptoms in which my mind is racing or any other ones that usually people with schizophrenia have that prevent them from working and interacting with people.  Taking medication is not a problem either.  That is one thing that I can thank the state hospital in teaching us to always take our medicine.  Also on schedule and now I only have to take it once a day.  It is usually taken with my meal or if I would like to stay up later as it makes me sleepy a couple of hours after I take it.
If I want to stay up or I am visiting someone and do not take it with my dinner.  I can always take it with a banana or yogurt.  This illness does not really bother me.  It is just the stigma that does.  People find out you have a mental illness and they treat you different.  That gets me angry.  How do they know that I am inferior without knowing my life and how I handle myself and deal with everyday life? This is kind of an invisible disease unless you act out or talk to yourself and a lot of people do that are not mentally ill no one would know that you have this disease.
I do not like the symptoms of mental illness that is why I always watch myself and make sure I take my medicine.  I have taken care of my grandchildren since they were little babies.  Now that they are older they do not come over but once a month.  I miss having them every weekend but they are growing up and do things with kids their own age now.  I never talk to them about my mental illness although I am sure they know about it.  Although I have never shown them symptoms of mental illness and hope they never have to deal with this disease.
No one knows where this disease started with me or anyone else.  No one in my family had this disease before.  I do know the alcohol and drugs I did had something to do with it.  If I can keep my grandchildren away from drugs then I have confidence that this will not happen to them.  They are good kids and smart.

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