Life’s Tribulations

I have been writing about psychological behaviors, symptoms, how to find faith, hope and determination during Recovery, now I am at a lost as to how to feel as I am frustrated in finding work.  I have had pep talks, and compliments about my abilities, yet I find that in searching for a means to keep what I have gained, my own sanity, I find I have both positive and negative options for decisions.  I think this shouldn’t be, everything is not everything when it comes to peace, and I have no peace of mind in my endeavors.  I have tried walking, talking to acquaintances, strangers as well and I have the same compliments, yet I have nothing to show me proof that I will succeed in what I truly want to do.  Determination slips and slides with each contact I make, and my faith builds itself on trust, yet I look at myself and wonder if I am missing something when it comes to trustworthiness.  I can hope all Iwant to, but without working towards a goal, my hope is only a word and my faith is only a story to tell.  Thinking these things as I do makes me wonder how much can a person perceive in themselves to remain consistent in their Recovery.  Can being resilient lend to personal strength and belief in what a person wishes to overcome?  Does worry carry over to frustration, lending over to backsliding and even worse, relapse?  I thought of the negative directions, its flight time if I turn my back on my personal Recovery and this is another fight I must win to keep my strength.  If you believe you can succeed, someone else will believe with you and the battle is nearly quite won, if you turn your back on the mirror, you will not see the light of your beliefs and that is when you begin to know you have reached another reflection in error.  I feel somewhat better in the last two days, my mental strength comes in surges, yet I am holding on to the believe that even though I am not the only one going through trials and tribulations, there are others who can wield faith and keep me building upon my hopes and aspirations.  The one word exist to me which carries me forward as many know thereof…BELIEF.

Written by Donald S.