Changing into a Smile

I have traveled partially around the world as a child, later settling into Colorado with my family, I noticed I was saddened by all the friends I had made while I was growing in child hood that were suddenly left behind, and just as perplexed as to making new friends in neighborhoods which carried no décor of ancient history, no space of hills or streams, no enchantment.  The fantasy of childhood became a lackadaisical definition of growing years older when you could not; the confusion of being older to live and survive was denying adolescence.  I sit around these days living memories, and trying to keep up with society surrounding me and fearing failure, being all a matter of time and need, home, energy food, transportation, water, and all the necessities which were never necessities when I was a child.  The world carries on, and I too wonder how far does a person go in order to maintain their life without resiliency and all the more a lack of motivation.  I can feel the indifference in my shoulders, I no longer hold my world above me for the moment, and my esteem is shallow.  I feel like this some mornings, not throughout the day, just long enough to tell myself that I need to carry on.  Going to the mental health clinic gives me determination to keep my inner strength and my faith grows with the understanding of others whom have met with similar emotions and scenarios of livelihood anymore holding on to those smiles which say everything will be alright. 

Focus is the motion of maintaining the emotions, the ideas, and energy of our lives.  Knowing how we will achieve reaching those boundaries and crossing them so that we have succeeded in being what we choose to be.  We can choose to be healthy, or we can choose to be morose, even mentally ill.  Some people don’t have a choice because their illness may be more than mental, being physical, it may be harder to smile, but when you focus on reality, knowing what you want, how you want to feel, and what you want to understand, life means something more than hardship and you are not at a loss to overcome the negatives in your world.  Crossing into a new world, changing ideas, means challenging not only yourself, yet building your strength, so that you mean to be yourself, surrounding yourself with others whom have the same strength and character as you want for yourself, with the ideology that you can believe in something great and maintain your future with such the belief that you will always be a part of the world you see.

Written by Donald S.