Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Paranoid Schizophrenic

I’m going to write about how I became a Paranoid Schizophrenic. It was in 1987, and I was in prison for a case that I eventually won on appeal. I should have never been in prison as the case should have been a misdemeanor. At the time all of this happened, I believe the combination of all these problems, plus stress brought on the mental distress. Including being locked up unjustly. It was on my mind as well as a couple of other problems. Besides those problems, they moved me from one section of the prison to another. I did not want to go to the other section, even though it was supposed to be better. In this other wing of the prison, I do tell a friend about the problems I am going through. I had also just finished an accounting program and received a diploma. I was now taking basic programming language on the computer and was a teaching assistant. I was gambling at nights, and was written up for gambling. I was sentenced to ten days in the hole and would have to start all the way back, and work my way up to the wing I wanted to be in. I was a very angry person going into the hole. I went to sleep that night and the next thing I knew I was on another tier and was a paranoid schizophrenic. Although I did not know it at the time that I was. I know everybody who goes to the hole would like to blackout the days. It was not a good experience for me. I did not comprehend what was going on with me. I ended up taking apart my razor and cutting my wrist with the blade. My friends were trying to stick by me, although I did not understand what I was going through. Nobody knew I had cut my wrist, until I told them. They put me in a cell with cameras and a regular doctor; I knew came by and looked in at me. I did not speak to him even though I knew him. The next morning they took me to their hospital in Canon City. There a psychiatrist talked to me and was going to put me in a cell by myself. He changed his mind and also changed his decision about putting me on medicine, except for halcyon to sleep. He came back to talk to me about a week later and asked where I wanted to finish my time. I did not want to go back to the prison I came from even though my friends would have stuck by me. I was too humiliated by the experience. In the hospital there I had watched inmates come and go. I told him I wanted to stay there. They brought all my belongings, and I stayed there for six more months until I won my appeal. While I was there, I had a case manager who kept telling me, she was going to deny me parole. She said I was a danger to myself and to others. I did not know at the time what she meant. She never explained it and I did not believe it. I did know because of my appeal they could not hold me. I will write more of what happened after I left and about medication next week.

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