Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Why Have Hope?

BEFORE I GET INTO The BLOG, I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND OUR READERS THAT The RECOVERY BLOG IS MOVING TO A NEW LOCATION: OUR BLOG WILL CONTINUE FROM OUR NEW HOME: A person should have hope. Why because things usually work out ok. I know there have been many times in the past when all I had was hope. One time I had two six month sentences at the county jail. I was told I would have to finish one at a time. Since I was going to be on probation when I finished the sentences, I was told that I would have to do the whole six months without good time. Well things were looking bad about five months at the county jail. I was working in the kitchen and was getting ready to feed the guys in the hole, when I was told to wrap it up. They told me I did not even have to start feeding just get out of there, my appeal bond had come through. That is one reason to have hope.
I believe without hope I would not be at the place I am at now. I will tell another story of the last time I was in prison and had my breakdown. I was sentenced to nine years in prison. The case if the judge would have allowed me the law the case would have been a misdemeanor. She would not even give me an appeal bond. I might have told this story in an earlier blog. I was angry, I was gambling in prison. They found me guilty of gambling and sent me to the hole for I think three days. I do not remember much of being in the hole. I know I went in angry. I woke on another tier that I had never been to before.
I was mentally ill now although I did not know at the time. They sent me to their hospital and I ended up staying behind the walls. My counselor told me I was a danger. She also told me that she was going to fight my parole. She did not explain that I had a mental illness. I knew I could not do the whole nine years. Just doing these two years so far was killing me because I did not know that I had a mental illness. Something had happened to me and I was different. My only hope was my appeal and when it came through I thought I was going to change my life. I made a deal that if they just let me go without probation or anything I would forget the two years.
I did not know my going to a fast paced computer course would bring on my mental illness and I would end up in the State Hospital. That is one place I hated more than any jail or prison. Although it allowed me the steps I needed to change my life and do it slowly so the changes would stick. I believe hope and never ever forgetting the streets helped me make through the State Hospital. All of these times I kept hope alive even when things would look bad. One friend told me I always came out good. It never seemed like it at the time. Although if you just keep your head high and remember something good will come soon enough. A person can remain optimistic and it works. There have been so many times that all I had was hope and things always would work out.

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