Smashed

That is the title of a movie I watched this week.  It is about a couple who met while drinking and continued drinking during their marriage.  The wife is a school teacher and is on a hangover and ends up throwing up and telling her students that she is pregnant.  Also told her principal and had them all believing she was.  Finally after one night of drinking she has no more booze and goes to convenience store to get more but it is to late it’s after two in the morning.  She tries everyway she can to talk the store clerk into giving her the wine because the doors to the beer are shut with a chain.

She finally distracts the clerk you have to watch to find out how and steals a bottle of wine and wakes up the next morning in a park.  I do not like wine.  Although when it was two in the morning nothing in the house was safe that had alcohol.  Even my dad’s saved bottles of wine.  Wine coolers my brother saved anything I could continue drinking with.  In the movie that was her bottom that night she stole the wine.  She was talked into attending a small group of AA.  She found a sponsor and talked in group.  Her husband continued to drink.
We all have a bottom that finally makes us change.  Mine was the night I was sent to the state hospital and the state hospital.  One day to life in there and I saw people do ten years in there without getting out or even trying.  That was enough to make me want to change.  To become sober and do without drugs or alcohol and I did try talking to the judge like I usually did when locked up.  I was sent to the county and he did not even see me.  The only way for me was to stay sober and start a new life.
In the movie she relapses and again tries to drink everything she can find.  She finally tells her husband you are my problem, you bring me down.  Either she leaves him or continues to drink.  I will not tell you the ending.  My problem is my old friends.  When you realize what your trigger is it is way to finally understand.  They do not know how they make me drink and also commit crimes when drunk.  Only I can see that and see why.  They picture me as something different than what I picture myself as.
It was a good movie and it made me think.  My old friends never did understand me and did not know what to do with me the times that I did try and quit.  I always relapsed until I went to the state hospital.  In their groups they tell you have to give up your friends to make it.  I did not believe it.  Though when I was released and finally made it back to my old neighborhood.  I knew that I had to do without them.  I told my best friend that we could no longer be friends.  He said “they are making you” I said that is just the way it has to be. 
My other friends came to my apartment building and called my name I just waved and kept walking.  Two other friends came into the apartment building and left a message that they came to see me.  The receptionist thought I would be happy to see them.  At the time the building was mostly elderly.  I never called the number they left.  Now that I have had time to think sober and look back and what transpired in my life.  I do not want to see them.  I do not know if in more time I will forgive.  Although I do know they were my trigger to drinking.  That life is gone.  I do not miss it.