Living with Dual Diagnosis

Being dual diagnosed and having to maintain sobriety is something like climbing a tree with leather shoes on.  You can’t make mistakes in keeping up with your symptoms as you realize what your mental illness is about and you can’t backslide when it comes to relapsing when it comes to drugs and alcohol.  With the 12 steps of A/A and N/A to guide you, you must also look into the guidelines of psychotherapy and how you want to continue to grow beyond the misery you have lived in.  I look into my own life right now and feel slightly down trodden as to how my survival will continue, how I will live without fear or remorseful feelings. My problem is common with many people through the world, and that is looking for work and having not very much in order to live on or provide for loved ones.  Depression is a part of dual diagnosis, as well as schizophrenia and manic-depression, how well many consumers have felt the grasp of these illnesses, yet not so much when having to live on only so much because you are lacking an income or even worse a home to live in.  I began to see that those on social security or other means of an income provided by the government are much more the better off than those struggling without any source of income or housing.  I must maintain, obtaining my medications, seeing a therapist, gain employment and maintain a place to live besides other necessities in order to say, I am living.  I see other people slipping into other worlds, using drugs and alcohol because they could not find their way back into society by working, often times living in resentment because they cannot find peace nor do they have resilience.  Living with a dual diagnosis is virtually the same, having to climb a slippery tree and not look down from where you are, such as crossing a street and not looking back, the feelings the same, trying to overcome the hurdles which are boundaries before you.  I want to feel as if I have overcome my mental illness, yet as long as I know that I could lose my motivation in keeping my strength, I know I will be dependent upon the system to keep me climbing with some success.

There have been some intense feelings about my dilemma of  losing my job and having to search for another, or live off unemployment for a short while and those feelings are the very ones I have been diagnosed with.  Yet the smiles and laughter I once had seem to have highs and lows as well with me as well and all that I perceive makes me that much more closed about what is right in maintaining not only being my mental strength but my self-esteem as well.  

Written by Donald S

When am I Real

I have been dreaming of being a purposeful individual not only in the work place, yet also at home.  What I am meaning is that I want to see myself as useful and responsible at the same time, without failure being by my side.  This at times is hard to conceive, having a dual diagnosis while struggling to maintain sobriety.  I was asked just recently by someone that I know, if I heard voices?  This question about my mental illness threw me for a loop I then ceased thinking about work, confusion began to rear its head and I began to think negative thoughts about myself.  I thought will I begin to become judged because I have symptoms which may show themselves, am I not being quote “normal” or will I be shunned because people are seeing me as a mentally ill employee.  It’s strange what the human mind conceives of itself when you feel fear or jeopardy towards your wellbeing, only time can answer when you seek answers from the right people.  I work for a mental health center, so I should understand about how my symptoms affect those I work with and those I associate with outside of the work place.  I mentioned, fear as one of my symptoms, which is easy to associate with paranoia; and being such close relatives, both fear and paranoia, I have to walk quietly and pay attention to what is going on through my mind so as not to embarrass myself or others I may be feeling fearful of.  I have to deal with internal dialogue “which comes from the dialogical self, which is a description of the minds ability to imagine different places of participants in an internal dialogue.  There are two concepts self and dialogue which extend to self conflicts, self criticism, self agreements and self consultancy.”

Dialogical self - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 I talked to myself within, I talked to myself out loud, at a whisper mind you and I spend time at night verbalizing in silence, or writing to keep the barrier of other voices which once plagued me years ago.  I have had to overcome to affectation of voices I would hear at night, and the mixed messages which caused me to see myself as not an positive person; yet I had to realize this problem I was having on my own.  Associating with fellow employees or loved ones with such problems besetting the mind can be upsetting, so dealing with the problem alone was one way, understanding my therapist and realizing fear is not paranoia, and that internal dialogue is not disastrous and can be helpful is a step in the right direction in overcoming the hallucinations of speech and responding to speech which does not exist.  In all, knowing one plus one helps, knowing also that there is someone with whom you can confide in is a plus also when you are not visiting your therapist and going over the fine points of the problems you may be suffering from. 

Written by Donald S.

Understanding Miserable Feelings

Negative emotions are feelings which cause you to be miserable, sad, angry, hateful or even jealous; yet you may want to know that these feelings and emotions are natural. Though they can downgrade our attitude in life, we are the ones who choose to let these negative emotions affect us.
When we have negative emotions we stop thinking and relating to situations and reality. We only care for what we want and the negative feelings continue, becoming even more negative, even harmful to the self or others. When we are delving into emotions, we are thinking, this is psychological and when we feel, we are in the realm of the physical. Emotions and feelings are complex yet there are a number of ways to deal with the negative emotions we have.
1. Don’t keep rehearsing the same problem over and over
2. Relax and find that realm which pleasures you
3. Learn what makes you angry and what causes such
4. Change you direction, don’t be afraid to turn away from the negative
I found this short editorial on negative4 emotions after I realized I felt tired and miserable at having to work the weekend preparing my apartment for pesticides, due to be done on a work day of which I couldn’t afford to be excused from, which was a problem, yet I have a project at work which had to be completed and done perfectly. Such the case I was alone, moving and thinking many things without any help. I felt plain miserable because I had no help with the one scenario at home, nor with the other, soon to be completed at work. This is a lot when you are diagnosed with a dual diagnosis, and with reason to seek escape; it’s hard to grasp the real sense of success when you face the battle alone. I read the information and began to understand I was afraid I would fail and that acceptance was making things work, not sulking and feeling negative. I finally patted myself on the back and understood how to cope with these problems, by letting go and knowing that this past week and weekend were an exercise that I have accomplished in finally feeling good about.
Written by Donald Sammons

Overcoming Dual Diagnosis

Dual diagnosis can become a problem with either a drug or alcohol problem when depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or even personality disorder occurs.
In 1986 as drugs were prevalent in many neighborhoods, my own drug use escalated; there was no longer a reason spiritual or emotional: I simply needed them. Spiritually, I accepted more excuses of the nature of drugs and using them, God’s will, God’s creation, Jesus’ Wine! I lied to myself, over and over again. I became ‘burnt out’ with excuses, and to use became an excuse, after the fact, drugs were my friend; so were the abandoned houses and buildings of sorts, I lived to get high instead of facing reality.
When you’re dual diagnosed, detoxification isn’t so easy, that is going without a ‘crutch’. Drug addiction is a mental illness, and as the drug changes the brain, so do needs or desires and priorities. This results in dual diagnosis which can be treated so that the symptoms of the mental disorder can be alleviated with the client going through withdrawal from drugs and accepting the necessary medications being made available to control the mental disorder. I was admitted to several different psychiatric hospital wards, including the state hospital, because my own addiction was physically destroying me, kidneys and liver were shutting down; becoming crystallized and I had to understand this if I want to continue to live.
I was placed in a community psychiatric ward were other clients (patients) had severe drug issues as well. In 1994 I turned around, yet the emotional stability was not at rest. To this day, I take medications to keep from running and debasing people without reason. I can see a bit clearly now at this time. The mental health clinicians, N.A and A.A meetings opened up the door to my facing and questioning my own reality and emotions for people as well as my own abilities of what I can do!
You can probably see how dual diagnosis is ascertained and the reason some consumers, without guidance return to their space to play while others understand their struggles and work towards becoming free of the partial bindings in order to find their reprieve. Accepting your needs isn’t misleading yourself, it’s knowing what those needs are being, and a clear mind to think not the imagination of make believe in the one room you’re free within yet knowing in another you can be real.

Written by Donald Sammons

Dual Diagnosis

Dual Diagnosis is a mental disorder when a consumer has a drug or alcohol problem in tandem. Dual diagnosis can become a problem with either a drug or alcohol problem when depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or even personality disorder occurs. Often times the mental disorder occurs first, with the individual seeking drugs or alcohol for relief from the mental disorder symptoms. Sometimes it can happen in reverse, where the mental health consumer becomes a drug addicted individual or an alcoholic, with mental disorders overtaking the consumers conscious mind.To overcome the malady of Dual Diagnosis both conditions must be treated. The consumer must dry-out; go without drugs for a period of time in other words the client must detoxify. After detoxification comes rehabilitation. This is where the client is treated for both substance abuse and the mental disorder, which may involve medicines and group therapy.Drug addiction is a mental illness, as the drug changes the brain, changing needs or desires and priorities. This results in dual diagnosis which can be treated so that the symptoms of the mental disorder can be alleviated with the client going through withdrawal from drugs and accepting the necessary medications being made available for control of the mental disorder.

Wriiten by
Donald Sammons