Barriers in Mental Health Treatment

Mental Health Treatment is available for anyone, children and adults men and women of all ages; yet many people do not solicit treatment for various reasons. This may be a denial of treatment which can lead individuals into a worsened condition, causing a breakdown in not only the physical health, yet also mental health, legal, marriage, employment and escalated drug use. There are certain barriers which cause people not to seek mental health treatment, believing that the illness will pass and also believing that psychiatric care is not beneficial to their needs. There are financial concerns and for this reason many people do not seek the help they need and this leads us into racial groups, age, culture and gender groups who may be seeking help yet cannot because of their financial means.

The reality of those suffering from mental illness is that these people do not realize they are suffering or are ill, unlike having a physical illness. Any one person can believe that their behavior and mentality is normal yet may be experiencing disordered thinking and this is where the family can intervene and help in stabilizing the individual.

The ability to reach Mental Healthcare services is another barrier to treatment. Transportation and responsibilities are reasons why an individual may not be able to connect to mental health services, not to mention hospitalization in the city and the waiting list the mentally ill are waiting on slow treatments and these people often give up on waiting for these services.

Self stigma is another reason barriers exist in people seeking mental health care realizing stereotypes could damage their lives and relationships as well as embarrass and cause fear of what their peers may think of them as they may need services from mental health. As I had first sought treatment out of the concerns of my family, I experienced embarrassment and began to fear those I had associated with as friends due to my connection with mental health and the taking of medications to curb my drug use and the illness which beset me. I couldn’t pay for the services as I was in between jobs; I eventually stop seeing the therapist. Yet time passed and I was helped onward with state funding and was able to continue treatment. This is only a brief episode of the barriers I had to eventually overcome, as will the many who seek a better life free from their mental barriers.

Success: an effect of Recovery in Mental Health

Twenty-six years ago I was sitting in a halfway house, street drugs in my system, listening to doctors and case managers about my mental and physical health. I didn’t really care. In my mind I was already a failure, success was far beyond my reach and I had no aspirations to attain any greater achievements. To achieve a goal is to do something outstanding or worthy of others desire, this is an accomplishment, this is success. I had not given thought of this attitude; all I sought at that time was respect on the streets and that was not with dignity or self esteem. My recovery was a slow process and at every turn my own ego took a blow; my heart was beginning to understand failure and my mind was opening to what success truly is.

In Recovery at MHCD (Mental Health Center of Denver), we learn to understand what determination means, being serious and with purpose in arriving at a decision. Having strength, faith and hope in overcoming any barriers. Mental Illness is a barrier to self esteem, dignity and hope, and to succeed you must want to overcome the internal battles; looking forward to success is the resolution to end the fears of your life and the weakness of your own self esteem. We must be assured of our direction and in what we believe not doubting because of what we fear or what others may cause us to perceive.

Our hope must rest in what our purpose maybe and through the critiques of our advocates, whether they are case managers, clinicians, therapist, family or friends we persevere over our illness and have begun to reach a successful stage in Recovery by making the right decision.

“We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears”
La Rochefoucauld---Maxims, 38

Written by Donald Sammons

The Looking Glass

After many years of an association with MHCD (Mental Health Center of Denver), I began seeing a side of me they had noticed years before. I saw that I really had an illness which kept me from understanding what reality was about and which had kept me without respect not only for other people, yet for myself as well. I began to understand what my life was all about, my well being, the shambles of my mind the destitution I was living in; it was enough to shake my head in shame. I asked myself a question, “Where have I been?” Many people haven’t had the chance to see themselves, others only through glass and others haven’t the ability to make the change from what causes the debilitating blow because of an illness. There are many emotions to sort through when you are living with a mental illness, that’s one of the reasons I came to respect those who work in Mental Health in the fields of psychotherapy, and cognitive therapy. They are guiding the forlorn into that other majesty called reality, without faltering; without shame, without disrespect.
Psychotherapy is made up of a series of techniques which are used for treating emotional and psychiatric illness’ in other words your mental health. It is used to help the client, patient or consumer, understand what makes them feel weak or strong, positive or negative. Clients involved in psychotherapy can identify their feelings and their way of thinking in order to “deal” with the difficult aspects of reality. As a consumer in Recovery, I began reaching for reality, realizing my weakness and through many methods of communication and the use of psychotropic medications; I was able to alleviate some of the stress and negative emotions I was having without the use of street drugs or alcohol. Reality became a picture of motion and words through the sessions I had with my therapist and others associated with my recovery through the mental health system, by means of psychotherapeutic methods which have been in development since the 19th century. Many practicing psychologist and therapist agree to an extent that the most effective treatment for mental illness and other problems involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy as well as cognitive therapy. “We feel by what we think”, and with the in depth conversations and sincerity a person is able to live as an individual with strength of mind, overcoming the draught of negativity they have associated with during their illness.
Written by Donald Sammons

This Week

This week has been a good week for me. I took a day and half off of work to rest. All I did on my day and a half off was rest and take a walk. It was a nice day and a half off. It cleared my mind and I am back ready to work. It also let me think about the good things in life. Like my grandchildren, they are doing well and are back in school. My youngest grandchild is getting big already going on three years old the end of November. I also thought about self-efficacy and how if you just hang in there things will always get better. I believe all problems can be worked out. I did not get to read what is going on this week in the mental health field. Last week one of the websites they were talking about movies and how their symptoms are bothering them. I guess I am lucky because my symptoms have not bothered me in over eighteen years. The medicine works pretty well for me. I am glad. I just wish they would work as well for everyone. Although everyone is different, that is why there is not just one size fits all when it comes to medicine. The same can be said about recovery. I am just glad for my job and life. I am pretty lucky.

We are one Together

We are one Together If you are willing to listen, have patience, take good advice and know that someone stands beside you, then you know you have a good friend. You can always accept someone who accepts you for yourself, someone you discuss your deepest concerns and fears; this someone is your truest friend. Whether you suffer from a mental illness or worse or nothing at all, between you and your friend is the act of overcoming the negative to become friends for life.
To be a friend for life, you must understand the support you give to one another, the kindness you share and the faith which is never shaken. Choosing a friend doesn’t mean they will from the start help you. What it does mean is that you and the person you have met, feel comfortable with one another and share an empathy which leads to trust. Being honest all of the time includes how you feel towards one another. It means never pretending or hiding the truth, if it’s true friendship you seek.
Give yourself over to freedom so that you may feel, think and converse whatever you care to share without ill feelings. Expressing yourself with someone lets you feel the comfort, caring and the sharing of faith of which you can experience with one another. Friendship is special, and we all are worthy of such.
We gain in many ways from the friendships we have, yet we must understand knowing someone does not always lead to a perfect relationship. Sometimes we don’t always share, or listen to one another; that’s the time we must put things into a new perspective. When a person has a problem and they are experiencing this with a mental illness, it’s always important to keep the bond you have with your friend. Friends help us overcome our symptoms, and the isolation we often suffer from or the worry which may bring us distress. Just because you are in Recovery or have a problem with your illness doesn’t mean you should stop sharing support.
Remember you are a partner in your friendship and if your friend doesn’t associate with you, know you are not totally responsible for how your partner or friend feels about your problem, or theirs and you must decide what’s best for you. Understand what your friend may be suffering, know whether you or they suffer from a mental illness and always give a friend space, you need it just as well to make decisions and give respect.
By Donald Sammons

Stigma, Employment and the Mentally Disabled

There is a movement within the mental health system. This movement is to overcome the stigma associated with mental illness. Since 1990 it was seen that stereotypes and ignorance was great in association with the mentally ill. People avoided living with, associating, socializing, working with and renting to or even employing people with any kind of mental disorder. Stigma leads to discrimination and abuse both physically and verbally and it causes isolation and loss of hope.
People with mental illness are most often poor and often rely upon or are dependent on government income, rent subsidies, food stamps and hospital care. The unemployment rate was about 90% for those with disabilities and mental disorders and this was in 1992. Yet the standard of living and employment are growing, being associated with better clinical help and a better quality of life. Individuals with mental disorders who had employment were found to do better, with reduced symptoms than those who remained unemployed. “The focus throughout was also not only upon the consumer yet also on orientation into the work force and training of supervisors and support for both consumers and employees.
• Overcome Stigma:
“Powerful and pervasive, stigma prevents people from acknowledging their own mental health problems, much less disclosing them to others. For our Nation to reduce the burden of mental illness, to improve access to care, and to achieve urgently needed knowledge about the brain, mind, and behavior, stigma must no longer be tolerated. Research on brain and behavior that continues to generate ever more effective treatments for mental illnesses is a potent antidote to stigma. The issuance of this Surgeon General’s Report on Mental Health seeks to help reduce stigma by dispelling myths about mental illness, by providing accurate knowledge to ensure more informed consumers, and by encouraging help seeking by individuals experiencing mental health problems”.
While this exist, the social services and vocational rehabilitation strive to overcome the high levels of unemployment in the mental health sector where in many consumers were unable to work or did not want to work which was due to education and also interruptions by cause of symptoms interference, discrimination, not to mention jobs which do not pay well. Stigma and discrimination has a street which divides the wealth and the poor and the mentally ill and disabled. Strength is what is spoken of a lot at MHCD (Mental Health Center of Denver) and hope in overcoming the disabilities not to forget about faith, which is what is demonstrated to create change.
These are not my own words, these words are the excerpts from a speech on Stigma, Employment and Mental Health by the Surgeon General, September 2011, find hope and reassurance there is aspiration in what can be through faith.

Written by Donald Sammons

Lethargy or Depression

Lethargy as fatigue is known is a physical and most common psychological illness. It comes and it goes, and we all experience it at some particular time. Lethargy is a lack of energy of the human body and mind, exhaustion; and it doesn’t last long, yet it may last for weeks or for even months. Lethargy can also be the result of a disease such as diabetes, and can exist commonly with women during pregnancy causing mood swings. These can range from being mildly upset, irritable or even weight gain. People with anemia can suffer from lethargy and this can be similar to suffering from depression of which may be of stages, being mild, moderate or severe.
People who develop depression may feel lethargic, suffering from poor sleeping habits and or loss of appetite. To keep from experiencing lethargy, especially during warm weather you can:

1. Keep cool during hot weather
2. Wear loose clothing
3. Eat regularly, fresh foods no sweets
4. Be aware of you sleeping habits and
5. Avoid drugs and alcohol

Lethargy or exhaustion can be a result of any virus infection as well, which can be followed by weakness or depression and can last for weeks after as any illness can. Last but not least, fatigue (lethargy) can exist as you become an elderly person which they may develop from acquiring hypothermia (low body temperature). If you are elderly stay warm and eat right.

Other causes of lethargy can be work, mental stress, recreation, depression or going without sleep. If you happen to feel under the weather and you have these symptoms for a long time its best to see a doctor, even if it is a bit of fatigue or mild exhaustion, you may be suffering from something physical or from mental stress.

Written by Donald Sammons

Visiting Old Neighborhood

I went this weekend to visit my old neighborhood and old friends. I had not been over there in at least six months. Riding through my old neighborhood I was hoping to see a lot more of the people that I used to see a lot when I lived there. I did not see that many. The friends I did visit though it was good to see them and talk to them about how life is treating them now. I asked how friends were that I did not get to see. I was glad to hear they were doing well. I was sad to hear that they are not happy in the old building with the new ownership. That is one reason I moved from there. They are hoping they get new owners. Although as I told them it is not always greener on the other side, they were hoping these owners were better that the last management. It turned out to be worse. Sometimes it is better not to ask for a change and let things be as they are. They are still waiting for light rail to be finished next year. I am too that way I can visit a lot more that I do. The bus service there is still awful. I try to keep in touch with my old friends from there. A lot of the people that I knew for years have passed on or moved away like me. Hopefully they will get new owners that are better and not in the business just for the money. It was a good visit and very nice seeing the old neighborhood. I know it will be a while before I can get that way again. Hopefully I can spend more time next time.

Mental Health Recovery

They say recovery is an ongoing journey. That is what I read on this website. They also have a film out about three people in recovery, which you can order on DVD from this website. They are trying with this film to break the stigma of mental illness. They say people in recovery have good days and bad days. That is so true, although I do not like to write about the bad days I do have them. I know the bad days will be gone though and a good day will come again. It also talks about having hobbies and other interests. They can also help your recovery just like a job, it gets you out of yourself and thinking about something other than your mental illness. Also by having meaningful relationships such as a significant other or your family and friends will always help. A person will need support and someone to talk to about the good days to share and the bad days. I know I can always talk to my family if one is not available another will be there to fill in. To help with medication change which is helpful to tell how you are doing and what they see the way you are acting. I remember my relapse when I was at college. When I called my mom she said go talk to your doctor. Sometimes we cannot do everything on our own. I also believe having goals or a dream can help of what you would like to do in the future. I know that was all I could think of finishing college no matter how long it took. After that one relapse I never had another. Even changing medication was not as hard as it could have been. I am thankful I have a job where they can understand what you are going through it helps make it easier. Also build on your strengths. What you can do best. That way the road to recovery will not be as hard.

What Do We Do Now

You can look at coping as a conspiracy in mental health. Conspiracy in Latin means “to breathe the spirit together”. What is the spirit of coping we are sharing? It is the spirit of hope. Mental Health is about how we think, our emotions and how we cope with life. The symptoms of mental disorders can get better or become worse and with this experience the symptoms of any mental disorder are a part of recovery and as we cope with our disability we are controlling the crisis we are facing with different coping mechanisms.
The best way to cope with our problems is to (a) follow a treatment plan, (b) know what the symptoms are and when they occur, (c) learn to manage stress and (d) keep in touch with your doctor and case manager.
Coping is managing external and internal demands; that is managing insecure feelings of which there are many kinds of coping mechanisms. These can be: Acting, when we feel pressure, either emotionally or with behavior. Attacking someone, or using fantasy to escape reality. These are just a few coping mechanisms which are negative ways to react to a situation not understood. Coping positively is a developed sense of personal control which means we problem solve so that any situation can be dealt with optimistically and with practicality.
We can deal with anxiety, stress or hallucinations by relaxation. We can problem solve by defining the problem and understanding how we feel about the problem. We can think of solutions and how others would solve the problem, knowing what’s positive or negative about our emotions or stress and make a decision, realizing that exercise, healthy food, hope, spirituality and forgiveness are a part of coping with our mental disorder. These are positive tools which make us healthier mentally and physically and help us to overcome the symptoms of our disorder and other negative conditions through understanding.
Written by Donald Sammons

College and Mental Illness

Starting college with a mental illness can be rough. The following is a link to 10 conditions that plague college students. Do you disclose that you have a mental illness? That is a tough question. I did not personally want to disclose, although when they told me I would be suspended, and the only thing that could help me is if I had a disability. I really did not see any other choice. Also I had my first relapse the first week that I started college. As I mention last week when I am mentally ill, I am more aware of people and cars. I had to make my way downtown from Auraria campus to catch a bus home as I did not know the schedule and buses at the campus yet. I had to go through a crowd of 1,700 new students. It was rough for me. When I came back to college after having my medication increased, I had to change one class because I had missed too many days. The disabilities office asked if I needed help with my classes. The first day of class I had to ask for a note taker, and let the class know. The other students had to know that I had a mental illness, because I had no physical illness. Every semester that was the hardest day of the semester for me. Just because you have a disability it does not make going to college any easier. I could also have had my tests done in a private room. Although I did not ask for that and I had to take my test with the rest of my classmates. I have been quiet all my life until I get to know a person. I did not have any friends in college except for the ones I met in Alcoholics Anonymous. We had a group at campus. I would still go back to college although I would try to do it all over again without going through disability office. That is just me.

Mentally Ill

Last week I wrote about Andrew Steward’s Youtube video. Another thing that hit home on his talk was when he said he drove after leaving college for the day. He was driving on the interstate in California. I did not drive the time of my mental illness. Although, I do remember walking around Denver at night, I can remember all the cars and there seemed to be a lot. More than likely it was because I was mentally ill. I also had been recently released from prison. I also felt at the time as part of my delusion that the cars were circling and following me. When I am not mentally ill I do not pay that much attention to cars or people that are out and about. Although the times that I was ill, there always seemed to be more people, and cars than usual, if I was driving that night. I would probably have killed myself or wrecked a car. I could not dive in that condition. I do not know how he did it with all those delusions going through his head. It is a time I would rather forget. I can also remember hardly sleeping when I was mentally ill. That is also very hard on a person. Another part of my mental illness was hearing messages from the radio. I would play a cassette tape in my stereo and it seemed like it was talking to me. I would shut off the radio even though I like music. I thought at the time they were talking to me from Canon City the prison. That also is hard to understand. I know people who are going through it now are having a rough time. I am happy they did force medications on me. To stay that way for any longer would have been inhumane to be now that I am not ill.

Self-Stigma

To know that people who label the mentally ill with stigma, can be hard enough on a person. Although when there is self-stigma it can even be worse. One reason might be that you will not seek treatment, because you do not want the stigma of being labeled mentally ill. How would you even begin the road to recovery if you cannot rise above the low self-esteem of being labeled mentally ill? I have mentioned this in a prior blog. I could not face what happened to me when I was in prison and became mentally ill. My friends were there to help me and stick by me. I could not accept what was happening to me or even understand what was happening to me. One reason is a long time before when I was in prison I had seen a person come back to the general population of prison after he had a mental illness. I remember him telling people he was sorry about having a mental illness. That is a memory I always keep and wonder about. Here is a very well written article on self-stigma it talks about when stigma comes from within. Self-stigma can hamper you from doing the things, you would like to do. Like beginning the road to recovery or looking for work. You have a low self-image of yourself. Some of the articles I have read about stigma, say that stigma might be increasing, with every time something happens in the news and movies portraying people with a mental illness as crazy killers or such. It makes it harder to remove stigma from people’s minds. There are articles talking about how people in recovery can start telling their story of how they became mentally ill, and how they recovered. I believe this way has a better chance of removing stigma. They can see from your story how you became mentally ill and the road a person took to recover. Personally I think it will be a long time before mental illness is accepted and belief that people can recover from a mental illness although I am hopeful.

Overcoming Dual Diagnosis

Dual diagnosis can become a problem with either a drug or alcohol problem when depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or even personality disorder occurs.
In 1986 as drugs were prevalent in many neighborhoods, my own drug use escalated; there was no longer a reason spiritual or emotional: I simply needed them. Spiritually, I accepted more excuses of the nature of drugs and using them, God’s will, God’s creation, Jesus’ Wine! I lied to myself, over and over again. I became ‘burnt out’ with excuses, and to use became an excuse, after the fact, drugs were my friend; so were the abandoned houses and buildings of sorts, I lived to get high instead of facing reality.
When you’re dual diagnosed, detoxification isn’t so easy, that is going without a ‘crutch’. Drug addiction is a mental illness, and as the drug changes the brain, so do needs or desires and priorities. This results in dual diagnosis which can be treated so that the symptoms of the mental disorder can be alleviated with the client going through withdrawal from drugs and accepting the necessary medications being made available to control the mental disorder. I was admitted to several different psychiatric hospital wards, including the state hospital, because my own addiction was physically destroying me, kidneys and liver were shutting down; becoming crystallized and I had to understand this if I want to continue to live.
I was placed in a community psychiatric ward were other clients (patients) had severe drug issues as well. In 1994 I turned around, yet the emotional stability was not at rest. To this day, I take medications to keep from running and debasing people without reason. I can see a bit clearly now at this time. The mental health clinicians, N.A and A.A meetings opened up the door to my facing and questioning my own reality and emotions for people as well as my own abilities of what I can do!
You can probably see how dual diagnosis is ascertained and the reason some consumers, without guidance return to their space to play while others understand their struggles and work towards becoming free of the partial bindings in order to find their reprieve. Accepting your needs isn’t misleading yourself, it’s knowing what those needs are being, and a clear mind to think not the imagination of make believe in the one room you’re free within yet knowing in another you can be real.

Written by Donald Sammons

Boston

I recently went on a trip to Boston to attend a recovery conference. I attended it with program managers from 2succed which is the employment and education part of MHCD. It was a very nice conference. The first presentation I attended was about health. It was a presentation from the Health & Wellness Center from Arizona. They received a 1.2 million dollar grant to help people in recovery be healthy. If you smoked when you first come in they gave you sugar free candy and a paperclip to keep your hands busy while they approved you for services. You would then be eligible for services and what ever you would need to stop smoking. They also taught how to eat healthy and cook the food. After that first day of presentations we went for a walk to Fenway Park. It is the home of the Red Sox baseball team, from Boston. It is also home of the green monster, which eats up baseballs every time they hit a home run. On the walk there we went by what I will call a small river on which the banks were a community garden. It is not like the community gardens I see in Denver. Community gardens here have vegetables and such growing. The one in Boston had flowers growing and also raspberries. On the walk back to the hotel, we did not return back the same way in which we had came. We saw old buildings there that had faces and figures built in to the architect. Then we went on a walk through the St. Charles river in which I thought was different when I saw a sign that said “Do not feed the animals we want to keep them wild. I thought that was different because in Denver, people feed the geese and ducks bread. We also saw an old church that was built in the 1600’s the next day I went to another presentation on health. This one was about peer certified people who learn and train another peer certified person how to teach someone to be healthy. I also went on a presentation in which other states have peer run organizations. The difference between MHCD’s peer mentors and theirs is they have to be certified. Then it was our turn to present and because we had prepared and program manager knew about presentations it went well. We put them in a circle and let them ask questions. The asked the program managers about their employment model and I was able to tell them my experiences with Vocational Rehabilitation. It went well and the program managers did a very good job. The last night we were there, we went to Cheers the bar from the series of the 80’s. We went to the original and it is not like the one on TV. The owner of Cheers saw that so many people were coming to see the bar in the TV series that he built a duplicate one upstairs and a gift shop. You can also eat there and we did. On the walk back to the hotel, we went by the State Department and John Kerry’s house. We also saw the only cobbled stone street there in Boston. The weather was great throughout our stay in Boston. We saw the old North Church which is famous and was built in 1670. Also on the walk back we went through a park. I thought it was different because they had a merry go round there. Also they had animal enclosure but it was closed. The middle of the street we were walking back through was like a park also. It had benches where you could stop and sit. I am so glad that I took this trip with others, because we were able to go and see the sites when we were not preparing or doing something else. I saw a good portion of Boston. Walking and seeing sites is a lot better that a car or bus. It was a very nice recovery conference and trip.

Dual Diagnosis

Dual Diagnosis is a mental disorder when a consumer has a drug or alcohol problem in tandem. Dual diagnosis can become a problem with either a drug or alcohol problem when depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or even personality disorder occurs. Often times the mental disorder occurs first, with the individual seeking drugs or alcohol for relief from the mental disorder symptoms. Sometimes it can happen in reverse, where the mental health consumer becomes a drug addicted individual or an alcoholic, with mental disorders overtaking the consumers conscious mind.To overcome the malady of Dual Diagnosis both conditions must be treated. The consumer must dry-out; go without drugs for a period of time in other words the client must detoxify. After detoxification comes rehabilitation. This is where the client is treated for both substance abuse and the mental disorder, which may involve medicines and group therapy.Drug addiction is a mental illness, as the drug changes the brain, changing needs or desires and priorities. This results in dual diagnosis which can be treated so that the symptoms of the mental disorder can be alleviated with the client going through withdrawal from drugs and accepting the necessary medications being made available for control of the mental disorder.

Wriiten by
Donald Sammons

Stigma and Self-Stigma

I have written about stigma in prior blogs. Although not self-stigma, I believe it will be a long time before people with a mental illness will be accepted. Then they will be able to recover without stigma. I know from my years in college and lately researching about mental illness and recovery. There are a lot of people whom have recovered and are lawyers and such. Some tell they have a mental illness, although most do not. When celebrities and famous people tell about their mental illness it helps a lot. Here is such an article of 15 Famous People who’ve helped Demystify Depression. It is good. I encourage you to click on the links of each and see how they are trying to help end stigma. Now I will discuss self-stigma and you can read a very good article about self-stigma. It also has a very good definition of what stigma is. It is hard enough to deal with stigma from others. When you start believing what they say and turn that inward it is very sad. I do not believe that you can fully recover if you are believing that you are incompetent or other things they might say about people with a mental illness. I do believe that someday people with a mental illness will be accepted. I still believe that day is long in coming. Until then do not turn that stigma into self-stigma.

Summer and Mental Health

Summer time has appeared and as many perceive, it carries an attitude of being lax and free from the constraints of being shut in from the winter cold and the dusty winds of spring and fall. As Mental Health consumers tend to travel about, trying to keep active or even those who have not had the fortune of adapting to the mental health system whom may be troubled, we must be aware of the hazards both of nature and society during the summer season.
Before I became a part of Recovery, I wandered aimlessly through the city streets, not without a purpose, but with the intent to keep myself satisfied. I was a drug addict then and with a court record. I seldom worked even temporarily, so I had plenty of time on my hands. Being vagrant is not fun, and finding that people tend to look over the more unfortunate characters in life made it somewhat unbearable.
The best thing to do I found later on during my recovery, is to make sure you have shelter; an apartment, living with family or even a bed and rest or city/state sponsored shelter. Keep active for the better part in seeking a means to educate yourself, in finding a more permanent home, or entertaining yourself through social activities such as, swimming, bike riding or even gardening. You’ll find summer is the season to plant and tender the garden of your desires and that the beauty of its sunrise and sunset is the purposeful accomplishment of your wishes.

My Recovery

I am going to start talking about my recovery which started at the State Hospital. While I was there I was finally started on Moban and Kemidrin after a trial of other medications which had different side effects like making my arms and hands shake. I could not have that because I already had a dream of rebuilding my life and starting over. By going to the State Hospital it gave me a chance to put away my old life and start a new one. I did not like the fact that I had mental illness it was and is the worst thing that ever happened to me. One of my first steps was typing I knew from taking classes on the streets that was the only way. Although on the streets I did not have the time. I started from zero and worked my way up to 40 WPM on a apple program called typing tutor. One day I was sitting on the porch of the State Hospital and talking to a worker, whom was not assigned to my case. She asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I told her I wanted to learn computers. She told me she could help me. She introduced me to Tony the head of Vocational Rehabilitation at the State Hospital. He let me learn WordPerfect on his computer and I also did work for him to learn more. I had other teachers there also. They were teaching me typing and math and general studies. They helped me send away for all the paperwork, I would need to enroll in college. Before I left the State Hospital one of the workers there who also was a friend, he gave me the name of his brother whom worked at Metropolitan State College in Denver. I started college and had a relapse the second day there. I went back to the State Hospital for the weekend and they adjusted my medication. I had missed four days already of Spanish class and all you could miss was three days. I had to go to my friend brother and he helped me switch from Spanish to Creative Writing. It is in that class that I was working on an assignment and the Professor asked me a question that I could not answer and told her I could not. She gave me the following advice that I use until this day “Do not ever give up.” I will never forget and use it all the time. I received Bachelors in Human Services. I was studying to be an Alcohol and Drug Counselor, up until my last internship and (I had three). The first two went great and then I started the third one and I was not happy anymore. I had worked my internships at private agencies. I did not want to work in that field anymore. I started looking for something else to do and Public Administration accepted me and I chose them. Through those studies I learned to love two subjects they were Economics and Research. It was to late for me to go back and learn Economics. I decided I wanted to do research. One day before I graduated with my Masters, a nurse and me at MHCD were talking. I mentioned to her that I would be graduating soon. She gave me the phone number to 2succeed and told me to call them after I graduated. After graduating I went to a doctor to make sure I was healthy and nothing was going to stop me from working. I went to 2succeed and told them I wanted to do research. Well after applying for jobs they picked me to work implementing the REE Survey written by Pricilla Ridgeway. The survey team implementing the survey found the language to hard to understand and not written in at least a sixth grade language. They decided to change the survey the next year. The new one is called the PRO survey and it was written to implement the next year. We were told that this was a pilot and it would be whittled down to 13 questions in each subject the next year and it is. After the PRO survey was done in 2009, the Director of Evaluation and Research asked me to come and work for him temporarily. After asking what I would like to do working for him. I told him research and he hired me permanently on June 15th 2009. Around the time I started working full time they stopped making Moban and I had no choice but to change medications. I did not know that it would work out so well. Well I was using Moban to make it work I had to sleep more that eight hours a night. I also had to give up coffee and that was the hardest thing to ever quit. I drank more that two cups a day. I was on Moban for nineteen years. They switched me to Geodon and after two weeks of adjusting, I take 80mg at night because it puts me to sleep after two hours of taking it. It also allows me to get up early and start work at 6:15 everyday. It also allows me to drink coffee, although only drink two cups every morning. I find I do not want it like I use to. My two most researched subjects in the mental health field are recovery and health.

A Part of Change is Trust

“Some people are made of plastic, some people are made of wood; some people are made of stone, some people they are up to no good…”These are the words to a song, which was on the Rhythm and Blues charts during the mid-late 70’s. I think about these simple words about people as I strive to maintain my Recovery. I have a basket of all of them, plastic, wood, stone, and things that are no good at all. As many times as I have sought an answer as to why people become mentally ill, the only thought which exist is that the world is filled with people and at this thought I begin to feel a twinge of insanity. It’s not insanity really that I am feeling, it’s more a feeling of indecisiveness, of whom do I trust; so I roll through the punches by escaping any way I can. I believe I am searching a strong bond in friendship, yet we all are, and not being able to decide if anyone person is trustworthy, we keep seeking, finally climbing that tree with someone we believe in.
Friendship is not only trusting someone, it is sharing honor and pride in the livelihood we share, and this is why Mental Health consumers maintain a bond with their clinicians, therapist, and nurses. As Recovery progresses we realize we have made foolish mistakes of which we cannot overlay, yet we also realize friendship is hard to come by considering the circumstances. Hip and cool is not the genre we seek, having been by the way side, yet time and space moves us to ascertain reality, and pain becomes weak as we become more assertive and creative, which is worth more the bonding with those that understand what we are becoming, trusting.
Is your life changing with respect?
“To become the spectator of one’s own life is to escape the suffering of life.”
Oscar Wilde
Written by Donald Sammons