Back from the dead to the living

That is the title of this blog.  Well I know I have been gone since I wrote my last post on January 28th.  Since August I have been battling what is wrong with my lungs. It started with pneumonia then the doctor sent me to a lung doctor when the pneumonia didn't disappear.  After two biopsy's they found out I had lung cancer.  All this period when I was trying to find what was wrong with me there were mistakes made about my case. Then I had to find a cancer doctor which I did and he told my my cancer was slow growing. He was going to make  a referral to  a surgeon to take the cancer out.
One week passed nothing I called and nothing so I was trying to find another doctor.  Finally they called and said they could get me a appointment next week so I took it.  They set up surgery for the 29th of  January. I went in and had the surgery which consisted of the doctor cutting part of the cancer which is in my left lung. He dropped a piece of the cancer in my right lung and had to take it out which consisted of a four hour surgery and nothing was done about my cancer.  So I had to wait in the hospital until the 4th of February until I had my second surgery and instead of just taking out the cancer they removed my left lung which I still am not that happy about.
They said I could return to work on the 14th of March.  Although the Friday before  all the fluid in my left lung made a hole in the incision and started coming out.  I had to go back to the hospital and they found bacteria in my body which has been there since the 29th of January and they went back in to clean the bacteria out and I have been on antibiotics since that time I get of the IV antibiotics this Thursday. I am not happy with done of what happen to me and am having someone look in to my case to see what I can do about it.  That is where I have been and why I have not posted since the 28th of January.  The hospital is not a fun place to be in.  All I wanted was out so I can take care of myself.
All that happened to me I still have hope for a brighter future with my grand kids. They knocked me down but not out. I am sorry that I let the blog go for so long without informing you's of what was going on although I was just interested in trying to recover from all they done to me.  They say in a years time my right lung will be able to do everything two lungs did. As long as there are no other setbacks I will be posting once a week from now on.

Recovery

There was not a whole lot of mental health news this week. It seems to be the way this week is going for me. I did walk last weekend even though it was cold. That is the way recovery is also if something goes wrong you just have to hang in there because it will get better. In a lot of ways I am waiting for this week to end. It is not because I want to hurry and rest this weekend. I am just hoping things will work out my Friday.
The things I am waiting to happen are one I am getting a new fridge as soon as it comes in. My apartment ordered me a new one when the one I have freezes everything at the moment. I am hoping by Friday. Next my DVR is on the blink. My TV comes on for ten minutes than shuts off. It looks like I will be watching old DVDs this week. They are sending me a new DVR, and I am hoping it gets here by Friday or else I will be watching DVDs this weekend.
It looks and sounds bad. Although just like recovery it is a slow process. Patience is not always the best for me. I like to get everything right away. It was that way with my recovery. I wanted out of the State Hospital right away. I could not understand why it could not happen. Just speed up the groups and release people right away. Now I come to understand why it takes time to let the concepts and changes take effect slowly. It takes more than just will power to make changes.
It is a lot like medicine every person it affects different. So also with recovery it affects us all different we have to learn what works for us and what does not. That is one reason groups are effective. Everybody gets a chance to share and you learn different ways on how to recover. I just wish everyone could recover as well as I did. I think they would be happier.

My Recovery

I am going to start talking about my recovery which started at the State Hospital. While I was there I was finally started on Moban and Kemidrin after a trial of other medications which had different side effects like making my arms and hands shake. I could not have that because I already had a dream of rebuilding my life and starting over. By going to the State Hospital it gave me a chance to put away my old life and start a new one. I did not like the fact that I had mental illness it was and is the worst thing that ever happened to me. One of my first steps was typing I knew from taking classes on the streets that was the only way. Although on the streets I did not have the time. I started from zero and worked my way up to 40 WPM on a apple program called typing tutor. One day I was sitting on the porch of the State Hospital and talking to a worker, whom was not assigned to my case. She asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I told her I wanted to learn computers. She told me she could help me. She introduced me to Tony the head of Vocational Rehabilitation at the State Hospital. He let me learn WordPerfect on his computer and I also did work for him to learn more. I had other teachers there also. They were teaching me typing and math and general studies. They helped me send away for all the paperwork, I would need to enroll in college. Before I left the State Hospital one of the workers there who also was a friend, he gave me the name of his brother whom worked at Metropolitan State College in Denver. I started college and had a relapse the second day there. I went back to the State Hospital for the weekend and they adjusted my medication. I had missed four days already of Spanish class and all you could miss was three days. I had to go to my friend brother and he helped me switch from Spanish to Creative Writing. It is in that class that I was working on an assignment and the Professor asked me a question that I could not answer and told her I could not. She gave me the following advice that I use until this day “Do not ever give up.” I will never forget and use it all the time. I received Bachelors in Human Services. I was studying to be an Alcohol and Drug Counselor, up until my last internship and (I had three). The first two went great and then I started the third one and I was not happy anymore. I had worked my internships at private agencies. I did not want to work in that field anymore. I started looking for something else to do and Public Administration accepted me and I chose them. Through those studies I learned to love two subjects they were Economics and Research. It was to late for me to go back and learn Economics. I decided I wanted to do research. One day before I graduated with my Masters, a nurse and me at MHCD were talking. I mentioned to her that I would be graduating soon. She gave me the phone number to 2succeed and told me to call them after I graduated. After graduating I went to a doctor to make sure I was healthy and nothing was going to stop me from working. I went to 2succeed and told them I wanted to do research. Well after applying for jobs they picked me to work implementing the REE Survey written by Pricilla Ridgeway. The survey team implementing the survey found the language to hard to understand and not written in at least a sixth grade language. They decided to change the survey the next year. The new one is called the PRO survey and it was written to implement the next year. We were told that this was a pilot and it would be whittled down to 13 questions in each subject the next year and it is. After the PRO survey was done in 2009, the Director of Evaluation and Research asked me to come and work for him temporarily. After asking what I would like to do working for him. I told him research and he hired me permanently on June 15th 2009. Around the time I started working full time they stopped making Moban and I had no choice but to change medications. I did not know that it would work out so well. Well I was using Moban to make it work I had to sleep more that eight hours a night. I also had to give up coffee and that was the hardest thing to ever quit. I drank more that two cups a day. I was on Moban for nineteen years. They switched me to Geodon and after two weeks of adjusting, I take 80mg at night because it puts me to sleep after two hours of taking it. It also allows me to get up early and start work at 6:15 everyday. It also allows me to drink coffee, although only drink two cups every morning. I find I do not want it like I use to. My two most researched subjects in the mental health field are recovery and health.

Recovery and Life

I hardly think about my mental distress anymore. I am lucky as I have no symptoms that flare up. The only time I really think about my mental distress is when I see my psychiatrist or I write for this blog. That is one good thing about employment you do not sit at home and just concentrate on your mental distress. Instead there is work to concentrate on. At home it is talking to my family or friends. Also I watch something good on TV or listen to music. I have also been exercising every night after work and on weekends. After you get in a routine it is easy to do, I just make it mandatory that I do it. I put on my MP3 player and exercise. There is a pond at my building now and I also just take a walk around it to get my mail. I could take a shorter route, although it is a nice walk. I have problems that come up a big one right now. I will just deal with it and any others that come up. There is so much life to live that I do not want to worry about symptoms or relapse. I’m happy with the way my life has turned out. It did take awhile to get to this point. Although it was worth the wait and effort to reach this point, along with the good people I have met along the way. We can do nothing about the not so good, but wish them the best. How is recovery going for you?