Wednesday, February 27, 2013

A Different Road to Recovery

This is a follow up to Donald’s blog  earlier in the week.  I also live in an apartment building, no longer one for the low income and I still visit a couple of friends at my old building.  They do not have a mental illness.  I have never really hung out with friends that had a mental illness.  I once dated a girl when I was first let out of the state hospital that went to AA.  That was a bad idea especially when she went back on the cocaine my first choice in a drug when I was using drugs.  It also costed me thousands of dollars and put me in debt, never again. 
I had one friend from the state hospital although he was never on medication so I never believed he had a mental illness.  We hung out a few times that was it and we drifted apart.  I had one more friend from the group home I was at when I was released from the state hospital.  He started drinking again and I said goodbye.  I told some acquaintances where I worked about it.  They could not understand how I could be friends with them and they drank.  It was different they did not have a mental illness and struggle with alcohol.
They did not know that I was mentally ill or an alcoholic at that job.  They are still my friends till this day.    No one knows that I have a mental illness unless I tell them.  The only ones that know are my medical professionals including my eye doctor and dentist.  No one else needs to know unless I want to make a point that we can succeed at anything.  I did my college and my recovery all by myself and my case manager at the time.
I socialized with my AA and friends from my job at the time. I quit smoking as I mention in an earlier blog  and just keep trying to improve myself.  When I was almost done with college and getting my Master’s I found out about 2succeed and finally was introduced to other people with a mental illness.  They were looking for work like I was.  I have my grandkids and I do not know if they even understand that I have a mental illness. It is not something we do not discuss.  To me Geodon is a wonder drug.  I can do so much with it.  I know when I did not take it.  I know to take it and when.
Every ones recovery is different the one thing that is helped me all my life and not just with a mental illness is hope.  I have hope that tomorrow will be better than today.  That is why it is so hard for me to understand depression.  I know it happens although I have never been depressed because of hope.  I understand that life can be hard and you just have to keep pushing forward and not give up.  I was once going to write a book about my life. I lived a crazy life and then I did become crazy.  I do not mind that word as I think everyone is a little crazy and does crazy stuff in their life.

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