Laughter

I’m writing again about happiness, because I do not think we get enough nowdays. As I have said in earlier blogs that I watch 70s shows to make me laugh on weekends and even on some weeknights. I also watch newer shows like TMZ and the new one with Betty White “Hot in Cleveland” They make me laugh also. I had to find new shows because I had already watched all the episodes of “All in the family” and “Good times” and all of “Sanford and son.” I try and watch newer comedies, but they do not make me laugh as much as the old shows. I do not laugh when John Ritter or Tim Conway trip and fall or something. Just when the situation or they say something funny, there is just something about those old shows that are funny to me. I also get happiness from my grandkids. I had my eighteen month over this last Sunday, and all he did was play. We watched all his programs on T.V. or I did. I took him to feed the ducks and geese. He did not stop from when he came to my house at 8 am till he fell asleep at 1 pm. I enjoyed being with him even if he cannot talk and I have to watch his programs. Along with exercise and multi vitamins and fish oil capsules, I am in good health. I know laughter also helps. I am hoping I do not have to see my doctor for another year. I also hope I can continue to find shows that make me laugh. What do you do to stay in good health? What makes you happy?

Confidence

Knowing the sun rises isn’t your confidence, we just know it does. Knowing you will get out of bed when it does isn’t confidence, you just do, or you don’t and time just passes on by. Confidence is trust. Confidence is belief and caring, and expectation of what is wanted will happen.

Things happen because we want them to happen. Everyone wants the sun to rise, and we all wait for it to set. Some people want bacon and eggs for breakfast. Others care for cereal, yet we all hope and expect this will be, just as we seek salvation from our dilemmas and illness’. We trust in our responsibility and we have hope in something that we can care about – ourselves and others.

Having confidence is having a positive attitude in that all you care about and this is as wonderful as the sun rising itself. With this trust, life is a joy; because you can trust and care about your expectations, you are self-reliant; you are secure in your beliefs.

If you see dirt, where it shouldn’t be; it makes you think something is disgusting, which is chaotic, yet when you have a caring, trusting attitude and you can see the dirt as a catalyst to something greater, by moving it; you have become reliant and your trust has created. This too is a part of recovery.

With confidence you create
With self-reliance you overcome
This is caring

Written by Donald Sammons
July 25th, 2010

Friends and Recovery and addiction

I was reading an article on the internet yesterday, about addiction. In the article, they do not believe that addiction is a disease. They tested mice by giving then alcohol. When the mice were going through withdrawals, they were offered more alcohol, and they would not drink it. The article said though that if you put on low lights and soft music to mice, then they would drink the alcohol. The article went on to say they believed addiction is tied to the reward system in the brain. They also took some heroin addicts away from their environment, and they became clean from heroin. Although when they went back to their old neighborhood and friends, they soon relapsed. That part reminded me of me. All the state hospital drilled in to me was you cannot have your old friends. Right I thought, it’s not their fault, I get into trouble. Then I would remember something my best friend’s mom told me once and I always tried to figure it out. She said “it’s not you, it’s your friends” As you know I was released from the state hospital. While I was there one girl from the neighborhood kept in touch with me. She was supposed to come and see me in Denver. Although we soon lost touch with each other once I was back in Denver. After a few months in a group home, I found an apartment in the old neighborhood. I moved in and soon my old friends started coming by when I was not home. I was home though when my best friend came by. I told him we could not see each other anymore. He told me “you are blaming me for the past.” I told him I was not blaming anybody, which was just the way it had to be. I can watch a stranger drink and not care at all. To watch a friend and remember old times, I would have started drinking again. I had tried to stop on my own before and was soon drinking with old friends. Do you have a substance abuse problem and what would you do if you did?

Committment

We all make decisions, everyday of our lives, almost seemingly every minute. We live and die making decisions. Our decisions are our commitments, what we wish to uphold to being, to maintain our lives. We choose to commit ourselves to life productively so that we may enjoy the fruits of our labor. We promise ourselves and others, with others to live and to enjoy our lives.
When we promise ourselves and others to do something; change our lifestyle, climb a mountain, learn to swim, we know these are attitudes that we want to explore, and with the desire, these ideas become accomplished. Ten years ago I wanted to learn to use a computer, nothing extravagant such as programming, just use the computer, turn it on and understand what I have done. I never thought of being employed as a customer service agent or data entry clerk before or after learning to use a computer. Yet despite, the addictions, the medications, of which I look at as the weakness’ I suffered from which would keep me from achieving my goal, I kept my word, I maintained a commitment, a pledge to learn and as of such, enjoy learning about it ever the more.
Making a pledge to oneself, to grow beyond the boundaries one might suffer from is the same as learning in a classroom, or from a clinician or case manger, even your own psychiatrist. You are making a trusting binding word with yourself to make a change in your life, or maybe, to help someone else with an opportunity. “Willingness is commitment, never giving up, that’s why there is always another day.”
Written by
Donald Sammons
July 18, 2010

Recovery and Time

How long does Recovery from mental distress take? I like time and projects to go fast. I remember being in the State Hospital and was told that people are there a minimum of five years. I could not believe that, people should be able to get all the information from groups and lectures a lot faster then that. You have five days a week in which to learn. I had school, groups and A.A. also alcohol groups. I figured alcohol groups would take awhile since I was an alcoholic for quite awhile. It was in the State Hospital where I learned about triggers to drinking, and symptoms of mental distress. I did end up getting out of the State Hospital in 3 ½ years. I still thought that was long. Although before I left people came up to me and asked how I was being released so fast. All I told them is I did the work, because I believed that was the only way out to learn everything. As for alcohol, I have been recovering for twenty years now. While at the State Hospital on the same grounds but not connected to the State Hospital they had a place called the Circle program. At the time it was the number one drug and alcohol program in Colorado. I had asked to go there and they let me for 90 days. I was released from there much faster because I excelled in the program. I learned a lot there, of course there were some groups and lectures I did not like. Was I recovered when I was released? I have to say no. I had to yet learn about living a different life. I had to learn about living a different kind of life. I had a good case manager at MHCD, that was strict, but he helped me learn about college and living out here. A lot of people have told me a long the way, that they do not have time to learn something different. Its years later and I am glad that I started from scratch, no matter how long it took. Also glad I had the opportunity to change my life. I am happy and have a good life.

Once upon a time ago - trust

Once upon a time ago, when I was young; my father once said to me, “What right have you to tell me that I am wrong, I am older than you are.” I couldn’t find an answer, he spoke the truth; I knew no more about what we were talking about than what I thought I knew, and my friends knew no more than I, and of what they had understood about being grown in the city as we were growing. We didn’t know about love, trusting your heart; or what honor was, even faith escaped our senses. I eventually reached out, began my trek onto the concrete, steel and glass world of waiting to be; of what, I had many ideas of; what I became, was a shambles of my own deceit.

Those words haunted me for many years, even to this day. Yet four others stood out in my mind, twisting as the winds within the trees, love, trust, honor and faith. Sometimes I give up and I want to run, I can’t conceive any other way to believe I have a way to succeed, except through some kind of criminality; it’s an easier way to think, it’s not A.B.C + = ?, not knowing what to expect; not caring. I often feel the tears inside when I think of my father’s words, have you taken the time to think, of whom you will believe in or whom will you trust, when you are unsure, besides that first thought of where will you run to or what does it matter?

What trust has love, if you have no heart, and your heart is of deceit? What honors have you of others if you have none of yourself? Recovery is just that kind of slow road. Bewildered by those above you; by others who can’t care or you may seem to feel you are a child again, with questions, only you have the answers to, with trust; remember it is your faith, never to fear to see, so that you may go far in belief of your newness in wanting to be free.

Recovery and Life

I hardly think about my mental distress anymore. I am lucky as I have no symptoms that flare up. The only time I really think about my mental distress is when I see my psychiatrist or I write for this blog. That is one good thing about employment you do not sit at home and just concentrate on your mental distress. Instead there is work to concentrate on. At home it is talking to my family or friends. Also I watch something good on TV or listen to music. I have also been exercising every night after work and on weekends. After you get in a routine it is easy to do, I just make it mandatory that I do it. I put on my MP3 player and exercise. There is a pond at my building now and I also just take a walk around it to get my mail. I could take a shorter route, although it is a nice walk. I have problems that come up a big one right now. I will just deal with it and any others that come up. There is so much life to live that I do not want to worry about symptoms or relapse. I’m happy with the way my life has turned out. It did take awhile to get to this point. Although it was worth the wait and effort to reach this point, along with the good people I have met along the way. We can do nothing about the not so good, but wish them the best. How is recovery going for you?

Don't Worry if I'm shy

There are times when I wished I had a friend, not just a see you later kind of friend; a wish you happiness kind of friend.
At my present age, I don’t want to be the one to say that I don’t have any true, caring friends. Having become connected with the Mental Health System, and after 25 years, having employment which is meaningful, my level of trust just isn’t what it used to be when I was ‘using’ illicit drugs and drinking all of which caused the maladies of the mind of which I lived with for many years. Yet a friend whose eyes smile while I pray, I have yet to understand. I know many people. By sight and sound and habit, I have many associations, yet someone who can tell me the world is bright, I wish for; trust is not only a companion, but a question in the mind of many, whom have crossed the borders reality and fancy.
When you become a part of the Mental Health System, your friendships change. Don’t let this perturb you, or worry you when you seem under the weather and you’re in need of someone to relate with. You learn from not only your clinician, or case manager that there is always someone there waiting with you, whether in spirit or reality, and there is no reason to give up hope when things are not looking brightly about you.
It took me a while to face this reality of having no one about me with peace or with a trusting nature simply because I had to learn to undo the ignorant ways I lived around others before I found help with Mental Health. At my current age, 55, I am not as trusting as I can be of others having lived not so good a life, yet I become better as I find new associations and keep the foolishness at a distant, I have to understand life is not a balloon ride on a string, it is belief in what you understand, hope in what you see and faith to keep the bonding of reality with love.
Someone that is an acquaintance and neighbor came to my door right after the fourth of July, asking me to take his check for the amount of the check, give him the money from my wallet and take the check to my bank the next day and deposit it in my account. He has always been a kind of smiling guy with seemingly a good heart, yet for some reason when I told him I could not do it, and would not do it, he became angry. I thought he was kind person, now I understand I was just someone who had cash in my pocket. There are others who live in the neighborhood who call me foolish for wanting to reach out and become more responsible instead of living month to month on a check for disability. They were once my friends who now say that I think other than about myself, because I am working, paying my own way and developing a completely different response to living.
“Know the truth,
And you will believe.”

Donald G Sammons
July 5, 2010