Happiness & Hope

Happiness is something we all strive for. It does not matter if we have mental distress, because if we are recovering that brings us happiness. I’m happy every day because I am recovered and get to enjoy my family. Especially my grandkids, they sure do make you smile and laugh a lot. I know it really must be hard when you are depressed to then make yourself happy does not work. Then I guess you have to have hope that you will be able to recover your happiness. When I was in the State Hospital, if it were not for my family, I probably would not have had as much hope to push myself forward. To make something different with my life and would also have to thank a few of the staff there that believed in me and what I wanted with the rest of my life. I believe if you keep pushing forward with hope you will achieve happiness. Well I have to have hope again with this Social Security problem. I went to talk to them yesterday and the person I talked to tried to add up and figure what they were saying. He told me: “this is all screwed up, give me some time to work on it and keep your pay stubs and do not pay anything.” Now I have to have patience, hope, and more happiness when they figure I do not owe anything. I will ask for that in writing as much as they go back and forth. Happiness and hope allow us to move forward not backwards.

This is Anticipation

One of the things which make me happy is that I have become strong enough to quit illicit drug use. Understanding love, caring and sincerity is hard for a growing child or teenager, even an adult to comprehend. I feel ignorant for the lack of knowledge I have, and have a fear of time as it too can be lacking as I grow older.
Reaching out for help is seeking Recovery from the darkened avenues of the mind, because of the lack of education; insincerity of self can cause a change of heart if you are willing to see where you want to go, and how far you are willing to travel. To be there you can be square, if you dare or sit in a corner with a needle in your arm with the day going by. By embracing Recovery, you close the doors to the polluted dreams churning within your own shadow and grow to realize the strength inside your being and the sincerity of others.
Through the use of psychotherapy, you can accept a caring control of your needs, while you peep through the windows and know you can change the light you are accepting, being this, your own behaviors, whether they are drug induced or other than. Some people might find you seeking professional help through psychiatry, N/A, A.A, etc., foolish, yet in a new understanding of you; you come to realize you are the one barely laughing and at what!

“There is nothing so well known as
That we should not expect something
For nothing
But we all do
AND CALL IT HOPE

Edgar Watson Howe
*Saying comes from the book:
You Can’t Afford The Luxury of a Negative Thought

By Donald Sammons

The System

A person could get depressed or go crazy trying to figure out Social Security. The benefits counselor I told you about last week cannot help me. I have to go see Social Security in person. When I try to straighten it out on the phone they say I owe even more and are not going to send me anymore payments. Which would be the last thing I would need, and that is to say you owe even more money that is the crazy part. I will take in the letter where they say they owe me when I go see them. Although I have to look on the bright side at least I have a job. Second I know a little about the legal system and can take the manager to court and probably win. I have friends and family and my family know what I put up with since I started working and Social Security. It was not all bad the first case manager I had did things right for me. It was when she left and this second one started on my case that it all went bad. She is no longer there either, so that is why they do not want to give me my hearing, because they have no defense. I just have to stay positive; I think it will be the last negative hurdle in my life. After it is over and I win this one, hopefully life should get better. It is just one more reason to stay out of the system if you can, because it does not want to let you go. The stress does not get me down no more. The exercise does help. How do you get rid of stress?

I can be happy

Since I have been a part of the mental health group I am associated with, I have for a long time wondered what can I do to alleviate those boring, long days and days of frustration I sometimes come across.
I began working in the year 2007, and I was pleased to have my time utilized, instead of sitting and wondering anymore about the world; or myself. Yet time passed and again, I felt restless and bored. I wanted to test the crowd, yet they seemed to be the same group of people I left behind in order to change my life. I thought relapse was inevitable. I became afraid and didn’t like what was on my mind. I finally took to closing myself in, and trying to shut out the world, yet I found I could not learn, and could not share. I had to make a choice.
So I picked up a smile, as I stood looking out the window one day and discovered all I had to be was me! Being me isn’t easy, being dual-diagnosed, yet I found that I enjoyed quietude, which fancied me and all the ideas I could sort through. I was afraid to realize my dream in this competitive realm of need and make believe. I had to check my dreams, were they in balance to real life. I had to learn to make waffles instead of buying “Ego’s.
Time is what is on the order, utilizing our time, the time on hand with respect to your being, in respect to others and being aware of sincerity not only to yourself, yet to others, no matter how rich or poor those others are who are or are not a part of your life. It’s all an education, and as you know there just isn’t one book with all the answers—enjoy.

Written by
Donald Sammons

Employment

You recover and you say now I want to work to further my recovery. There are a lot of benefits of recovery by working. The research says when you are working you are thinking of your job and not your distress or symptoms. A lot of times that will benefit in the reduction of your medication. Another benefit is that you are earning money and doing something with your time. Are there downsides to working? If you are on SSI you lose some of your check, because you work and earn money. Also you can only make so much before you lose your entire SSI check. If you receive SSDI you can work and keep both forms of income. On SSDI if you work full time and have benefits when you finally lose your SSDI check, because they only let you work so long you are O.K. If you work part time than you are out of luck if you do not make enough or have benefits when your time is up. You have to decide to work or quit. I believe working is part of recovery, I know I am doing even better since I started working. I started out not wanting to stay on Social Security. I can only hope I stay working. My problem is different I cannot seem to get rid of the Social Security system. Which I want to do until they day I retire. They told me about a month ago that I owed them money; I have already gone through this with them and had filed an appeal. I never heard from them until a month ago. I was ready to take them to court. Although I decided to see a benefits counselor and am waiting that decision, now I get a letter saying they owe me money. I really need clarification one way or the other so I can get on with my life and recovery.

Embellishing Ego

What is ego? Ego means—I. Ego is your identity—who and what you are all about. A person with an ego can have the wrong interpretation of themselves, thus you have the saying, and “they have a really big ego!” In psychology ego is the necessary part of our mental growth, our conditioning and personality. Ego is our true face, ego is pride, the arrogance and narcissistic way we see ourselves.
In my world, realm should I say, I take a person for face value, no other explanation. Again, excuse my ego! But would somebody tell me where the stone starts to roll and when the moss starts to grow. In many cultures there exist ego, as narcissism, as arrogance, but we do not truly see the real person we are acquainted with if we make such a judgment, or others who make such judgments before us. Sometimes we see people as corrupt, even our own selves at times, yet the truth of the matter is we want to be understood, and embellishing ego is the way we make ourselves known to the rest of the world.
I assume, the key word here is important, being made felt important, accomplishing something important, sharing importance, and believing. In recovery, when we become acquainted with recovery, we have old habits; our own self importance comes before anything else. We have lived in the world of--I, for many years, and we share this—I to feel even more important, accomplishing a strength which keeps me believing in myself; and sometimes we have the wrong believes. In recovery, we learn to look at ourselves, and try to shed old nasty patterns of being—I, by reconditioning ourselves to understand and change old values. There are many different therapies, which can help a person grow beyond their own ego, if it has become destructive, if a person is left to stare into corners alone, yet the first step as in Alcoholics Anonymous as well, is recognizing you and admitting there is a need for change.
“The childhood shows the man,
As morning shows the day”
John Milton (1608—1674)

Written by Donald Sammons

Patience

How many of us have patience? I do not and wonder why. When in my old life, going to jail it was always hurry up and wait. You always had to wait to eat and stand in line. You would think after that I would have patience. All the new technology has made me lose even more patience. You can do so much now with the computer and other technology, and not have to wait as long. You can make calls on the bus and not have to look for a phone booth. Computers are they fast enough? When you are waiting for a program to do something, sometimes it is not fast enough and you hit enter again. Do they really take that long or are we just inpatient? I have not had my grandkids over for a while and this weekend they are coming over to the new apartment for the first time. When they are over I do slow down and get some patience. I have stuff recorded for them to watch, but they have it planned out. They are probably going to spend most of the weekend outside, swimming and other things. It will be good for me. Maybe I can slow down and learn some patience. Enjoy them and hopefully a nice weekend.

Do I have a desire

Do I have a Desire?
I had a big, really big table a friend gave me. It wasn’t the color of my other furnishings that exist in the apartment, its chairs had broken, and it was really just a big table. I felt uncomfortable with the table sitting around, from one room to the next, from one corner to another, one wall to another; it just didn’t seem to fit the apartment. It had computers on it, televisions, stereos, platters of food. It was a utility I kept because, well; as I finally decided, because I was doing my friend a favor in accepting a token which didn’t fit.
I thought about it, the friendship, the table, being a token gift to help me; I thought about the way it cluttered my apartment, and made me feel claustrophobic. I finally said good-bye to it! For two years I tried to put the table out the door, give it away, even take it apart, and I finally decided to give it up—out the door!
Desires for the mentally handicap are as such, painstakingly at best, with a lot of heart in dwelled! With a lot of emotion, friendships and the math that goes with it, desires and decisions can be quite tedious. People with jobs, wives husbands, children, millionaires, kings and queens have to make decisions, they all have desires. Some people make decisions in an instant; others have desires of which, might take days or even years to decide if they are righteous for the self, for the home, for the community. Whether they are made rationally rashly, or with time, decisions and desires of the right choice count in your sobriety, your recovery and your welfare. Decisions are desires, they can be unconscious or the values you seek and they can be changed, with understanding if this is what you want.

Written by
Donald Sammons 5/2/2010