Thursday, April 14, 2011

changes

I thought my clinician and me had worked through change. Although I believe it still affects me. That is until I settle down and work through knowing change happens. Even a change in the weather affects me. If I leave my window open and a storm is brewing, I wake up and have a hard time falling back asleep. Small changes do not affect me anymore. Although big changes still do. Even if a person feels they are recovered. You still have to do the work to stay recovered. If I work through change in my mind it will work out O.K. Before my mental illness, change did not bother me. It happened all the time. I would go to jail, I would hate it. Although when you live that kind of lifestyle it was part of life to go through changes I could handle them then. I would not change back to that kind of lifestyle. My grandkids do not know that I was once in prison. They are good kids and I do not want to bring that subject up. Because I do not want to glamorize that kind of lifestyle, it was a lonely life back then. I did not know how to change it for the better. I was stuck in that life. Now I look forward to when big changes do not affect me at all.

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